stop telling me its a train wreck when my thigh is stuck in the tracks dying, I already know

I have a few things to say right now.

1. Husbands cell phone literally has water droplets under the cover right now.

2. He did call but it never connected or caused my phone to beep with a voice mail but when I called my voice mail there was a message from him at 8 p.m. It just didn�t cause the envelope icon to light up.

3. I went to therapy for a year and a half. I went. I went. I went. I would go now. Would anyone care to pay for it? Yeah�. Didn�t think so�

4. I hate my in-laws for enough reasons that if I wrote them all I�d be here all day. The biggest one being, they refused to even tell me that my son was alive 2 years ago.

Jesus Christ quit judging a situation you know bits and pieces at best about. And fine �don�t read it if you can�t handle reality.

Let me talk about train wrecks.
My life might be a train wreck right now
But I�m a girl
A girl with feelings
A heart
Scars
Flesh
I don�t need anyone coming around
Just to judge my bleeding limbs
I�m not a tree with more than I need
I�m losing enough
You don�t have to try to make me lose me
I�m not perfect
I�m in a mess
You don�t know about
And this is
This is my place
My way
My only retreat
And I don�t treat anyone
With that much jarred up judging

This is the stuff that makes me so fucking grateful for people that are there for me this is the reason that in the morning hours before dawn I drove to in the dark crying to the cd player just to tape a card that said, "thanks for reminding me how it feels to laugh" on his door.

This is why I�m always the better friend to people. Because people just come stick me with shit when I�m barely holding on.

Maybe soon I�ll write entries like this�.

I went and bought some lasagna and right now I�m sitting waiting for it to warm up in the oven. I can�t wait for that gooey cheese.

I�ve never been that girl, so maybe soon I won�t write at all.

-PoeticaL