�trying� to be a good friend

How do you give advice to someone when you�re biased about your own feelings? How do you tell someone you struggle with the boundaries that have been set up?

I ran into this problem year�s ago with a friend who was having problems with his wife. I wanted to hate her because I so loved him. I wanted to hit her because she was hurting someone I really cared about. So when asked for advice as to how to fix his relationship with her�.I was at a loss to handle it with kid gloves and without my own personal heart jumping to the microphone and speaking out loud and clear �fuck her..I love you�fuck her shit�leave her�let me love you like I imagine I could!�

I get attached to people I can talk too openly and honestly. I get attached to people that are smart and brilliant and intellectual and wait all of those things are one and the same but�I think it�s more that because of the lack of �family� in my life when I connect with anyone on a deep level and they serve as a positive influence then I value those things in a way in which other�s can�t fathom.

So�when someone I feel that way towards asks me for advice about what to do about a person in their life that is hurting them at the time, I want to murder the cause of the hurt. In other words I want to annihilate the �hurter�. Perhaps we�re all that way�.but�I�m smart enough to know I can�t give that sort of advice that pops into my head. The things like �I know�put super glue in her tube of toothpaste� because those sorts of things are my evil brain speaking and not the real Kristy that I am. But I think them but don�t say them out loud. And worse yet is when someone is genuine and tells me that they value my opinion and I know that I�m saying �yes I just want you to be happy and work things out with her� and yet I�m thinking �may all her eyelashes fall out in one go and may she pee her pants in public and die a slow painful embarrassing death�.

When someone thinks you�re all good and you know that you have bad evil thoughts and you�re doing everything in your power not to blurt this out��when you�re �trying� to be a good friend�instead of simply being one from within�.

Yah that sucks�