PoeticaL
cluttering the net since 2001

i volunteered for this

Friday, Jul. 26, 2002

Me: �he� thinks you just want someone to entertain you while you sit out the war
�t�: sit out the war!
Me: I told him "you just want me to entertain you til you find someone you think is good enough...
�t�: I don't see his faggot ass here!
Me: exactly
Me: I agree "t"
�t�: tell him he can lick my left nut! pardon my french
�t�: That pisses me off...
�t�: it is like those people that protest the detainees in Cuba....
Me: lol c'mon �t� don't get upset about some guy without a clue
�t�: ohh you are soo bad to them...
�t�: they have it hard there...
Me: that's total crap
�t�: and those same protesters don't realized that the detainees have it better than me here
Me: I believe that
�t�: at least they don't have people shooting at them
Me: T?
�t�: they get decent meals...with mexican rice!
�t�: kristy?
Me: I was afraid to answer you...cause I said I would never do this again
Me: but ya know what
�t�: what?
Me: I figured even if you were a jerk or something
Me: or asked me to have monkey sex via web cam
Me: that I still just wanted to make sure I said thank you to you
Me: even if you were an internet freak trying to get your groove on bored out of your mind sittin on a sand mound somewhere
Me: I wanted to say thank you
�t�: no need to thank me...
�t�: I should be thanking you...
�t�: because..
Me: well I know its your job and you chose it and all that
Me: no one forced you to go there
Me: but the thing is I'm glad someone chooses to go because I want to take my son to the park and not worry about the building next to it falling on him
�t�: Just so you know...
�t�: I volunteered for this..
Me: I knew that already �t�
Me: you didn�t have to tell me
�t�: because what happened ticked me off so bad..
�t�: made me so mad..
Me: I knew because of everything you've said so far about your dedication
�t�: it literally brought tears to my eyes...

There's that tiny tiny part of me that is terrified about what I"m doing. That part that is jagged and raw and terrified. A man at war... And yet I volunteered.

I think it�s a fact that I could tattoo on my flesh and never wonder why I did it or feel that a day came along that anyone would say �why did you get that inked?�

give too much, take too little, justify having nothing

That�s me. And nothing happened for this feeling to come back. It just haunts me.

-PoeticaL
3:09 a.m. ::
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