accidental admission of "what would I do???"
Tuesday, Jun. 25, 2002
written at 7:29 a.m. on 6/25/02I just turned my TV on and let me just ask �What the hell ever happened to Celine Dion retiring? I for one thought it was a great idea!!
Last night I read John O�Farrells short story in �Speaking with Angels� and if you could see me �mime� then you would see that I am grabbing my throat and gagging myself. I was NOT at all impressed by John thru reading that story. I think Helen Fieldings story was pretty ok though. Overall, I wasn�t into that book. I don�t think I�m a fan of short stories that�s all.
Last night I slept wrong or maybe I hurt myself and now this morning I have a crick in my neck that feels like someone�s slicing my neck open with an ice pick. My eyes feel hazed over with sand paper and they are effectively making my eyelids cry every time I blink. It�s going to be a looong day.
Ok�so maybe I ought to mention that I was in a car accident. But I don�t feel like talking about it. Just �if you recall my former entry about �him� forewarning me. It was much like that psychic forewarning and has totally freaked me out.
I spoke to Tim last night who proceeded to play me a ton of songs off of his work pc. He has the same varied tastes that I have. I think that�s so totally kewl. And I can�t help but laugh when he says with that Alabama drawl �heyy heyyy check this one out�.�
Then I called �him� to tell �him� about his psychic powers. He got real quiet and kept asking me if I was ok. I kept saying, �yeah I think so� Then he would say, �you need to go to a doctor�. I wanted to say, �no insurance� but I kept saying, �yeah ok�.
When I speak to him and he talks about his regular life it is so far removed from mine that I just feel like I wouldn�t ever fit in. It would be like going to a circle party wearing stripes. I don�t know why, but he was telling me all this personal stuff about himself. I think he felt bad that his premonitions were so right. �Bucky� was in the vehicle with me and �he� kept telling me that he was glad that �Bucky� was ok. �He� told me that he meditates and was talking about the effects of it on his life. And now I want to go and get a meditation tape and learn how. He said he sits on his bed naked and that he concentrates on his blood flow and heartbeat and stuff. I can�t even imagine finding the time to sit still on my bed let alone nude. I mean I can see me sitting there nude with my arms out trying to feel the chi or whatever it is you�re supposed to be doing and having �Bucky� run in and say �hey Mommy can I have a Popsicle�� and then bursting out in giggles� �ewwww Mommy�s naked� and running off. I don�t think I could concentrate on my heartbeat or whatever. This meditation thing has got to be a lone sport. Period.
Tonight husband and �Bucky� are going to their first nighttime Tae Kwon Doe class. Yeah husband is taking Tae Kwon Doe. I think I�m going to go find a writing course to take. In fact I am!! No �I thinks� about it. I am going to.
Not to jump back, but I just remembered how �he� said, �I don�t know�this accident freaks me out because I can�t imagine �. What if something really bad happened to you? What if you died and I got enough details wrong that I couldn�t really warn you? I kept saying, �Don�t sweat it, you didn�t wish an accident on me, you just foresaw it..what are the winning lottery numbers???� He kept saying, �no I�m serious you goof, I would miss you so much. I would lose my best friend.�
I think it�s been so established that he and I are very close. I sent him a fax last week and he said, �I knew it was from you but why didn�t you put your name on it?� I said, �Cause you knew it was from me already.�
Sometimes I think I am too afraid to believe that a relationship with another man could be exactly like it is with him. It�s beyond my comprehension because I�ve never seen it like that in person. He said, �The only thing we don�t know is what it feels like to hold each other�. To which I said, �I know� He said, �ever think that you�d find that out and be happy?� I said, �every single day��
In closing�. VH1 really sucks in the mornings�. It�s like lifetimetv on music crack!
-PoeticaL
