what thinky do?

tonight i leaned forward
i felt the pain slight then sharper from behind
i gripped the chair that was chosen by him
the chair and not the floor was kinder indeed
my sweaty face sliding around
the garbage bag wrapped cheap pillow i snuggled against.
smelled like sweet sweaty summer afternoons
i tried not to flinch with his touching
i felt my thighs tense as the first wave began
but i had resolve
i had desire
i wanted this�oh god how i wanted this
yes, i knew this was exactly what i wanted
i knew the man would do me no wrong
but i still felt alone
scared
nervous
yes very nervous even though
i�m not a virgin; my first time was years ago�.
yet this was bigger than i was used to
so much bigger than i ever thought i would see in my lifetime
as we began it felt bigger and bigger by the moment
it was more intricate of an event
this would rank as the biggest i�ve ever contemplated
the pain caused by the first entry subsided
oh but not quite quickly enough
but oddly i relished in the infliction of pain
the concentration on the pain and then
the slight numbing effect of the thrill of the moment
as i reminded myself that i was ok
he kindly asked me if all was good
if i needed to change positions
was i too hot?
relax he told me through the long locks
that fell across his shoulder in the light
i knew that i would be glad i had endured
i started to relax and enjoy the experience
i motioned for him to stop only once
my unspoken need was acknowledge
i just wanted to move the pillow forward
wipe the drool from my mouth
pull my hair back away from my sweaty hot face
and reposition my hips for better access
he accommodated me in every way
only once did i think of the cost
was i crazy to do this while nearing midnight
i vaguely thought of my math woes
and whether rick made it home yet
and then the prodding took over all of my thoughts
and it was he and i and this room
these smells, my legs quivering
beneath his hands�constant motion�
he smelled good yet there was an antiseptic tinge
to everything in the air
he had long beautiful hair
and a bag of tricks up his sleeve
things i could not do to myself in a
million lifetimes of trying all alone
the forever altering of this moment
left me breathless
he was so confident in his skills
i could hear him lick his lips
i could not see his face as he was the dominance
and i was his trapped victim beneath
sweating
withering
gripping the chair
biting my lip�.salty
my thighs shaking at the prodding sharp
against my skin, feeling thinner
opague
transparent
oh pain�numbing�oh god where�s the stopping?
no letting up
the curl of his hands against my back
the wiping
the gripping
the moving
his breath on my back in shallow wisps of air
and then�.as quick as i came
i was done
i was free to move
my legs weak from the abuse
my back wet from the leakage
he thanked me for paying
yes i "paid" him for all that

but it�s perfect
i did it and love loved it

i got a new tat�
new ink....
what did YOU think?????