yeahhhh t

me: OMG

t: ?

me: it's T���������

me: <--------jumps up and down and up and down

t: Whats wrong with that?

me: nothing!!!!!!!!

me: i missed you

me: i missed you

t: :D

t: missed you

me: you ok?

t: why wouldnt I be?

me: i dunno....

me: just checking

t: I had to go to to Germany for a few days to turn in equipment

me: i know you told me you had a mission

t: yep...

me: that was a week...not a few days...

t: it was only a weekend

t: :D

me: nope....

me: nope

t: I left thursday night and got back weds night

t: less than a week

me: hmmphhhfff....well I didn't talk to you for a week

me: same difference

t: I get back here and spend all day trying to get the servers runnning..

t: I finally had to go in and rewrite the code in the unix files..

t: to get one running

me: busy busy

t: now I got a 20 hour reload to get the other one working

me: wow

t: pain in the ass really

me: i'm sorry

t: not your fault..

t: the thing is..

t: nobody can tell me what they did to them though

me: grrr that stinks

t: yep

me: hmm

t: so how was your weekend?

me: *shrugs*

t: so much..

me: so much?

t: over the weekend

me: it sucked...just don't feel like talking about it

t: ok

t: it was great running in Geramny...

t: about 3500 feet lower in altitude..

t: felt like I was running 5 minute miles

me: that's kewl... I know you kinda like Germany

t: plus...

t: I got to go to a gym that was not filthy..

t: and actually had enough equipment to workout with

t: :D

me: yeah

me: i'm glad

t: :D

me: didja miss me?

t: of course...

t: why wouldnt I?

me: *shrugs*

t: ;-(

me: teehee

me: you busy working?

t: always...

t: also still going through all the work email too..

t: I had over 200 work related emails while I was gone

t: :(

me: wow

t: <---Mr Popularity....for work

me: next time I won't um.....send you so many messages

t: right...there was only 2 from you

me: yeah...I was just gonna say...

t: whats that?

me: i would sit down to write to you ....and everything that was going on was bad...and I didn't want you to come back and read bad...

t: it is ok...

me: what is ok?

me: that I didn't send you bad emails?

t: if you would have done that

t: :-)

me: it was just a bad weekend thats all and I didn't much even write anywhere

t: <---gives Kristy a hug

me: aww its ok...I'm ok

t: I also bought a new CD :D

me: whatdya get?

t: The Eminem Show

me: Bucky wants that

me: he'd be jealous

t: not good for kids

t: too much foul language in it

me: yeah... I'm aware

t: Just so you know...

t: I should have another mission coming up...

t: this one to Kandahar

t: maybe even one to K2

me: its ok

me: i'm resigned to it

t: :)

t: yep...

t: i got three switches to reprogram and one ISYSCON to reprogram in Kandahar...

t: and two switches in K2

t: to reprogram

me: ok

t: dont you love software upgrades :S

t: :D

me: makes no difference to me

t: you ok babe?

me: yeah

t: so what have you been up to while I was gone?

t: :)

me: same old same

me: work....same stuff...

t: sounds like fun

me: nah..just the same old same

t: sounds like more fun then I am having here

me: nah you love your job

t: :">

me: well you do

me: so you can't say that stuff to me

me: i know better

t: it is ok I guess

me: ever have a thousand things you want to say and then nothing comes out?

t: yep...

t: but I think it is just because I am getting old ;)

me: lol

me: i hope not cause I'm older than you

t: <--old man that listens to Eminem?

me: lol

t: there is a Nelly CD I want too

me: i like Nelly

t: I would never even known who it was...

t: but I watched MTV in Deustchland

t: :D

t: can you hold on a sec babe?

me: that's kewl

me: yeah

t: get some coffee and stuff k?

t: brf

me: ok

~~~

me: i think i need to tell you something...

t: whats that?

me: ok its nothing bad....

t: :D

me: so take a chill pill over there

t: me?

me: i had a rough 4 days

me: the weekend...ugly

t: ok

me: friday night i bailed

me: hung out with someone i hardly know

t: right

me: just to get away from this mess

t: right

me: it was ok

me: then saturday night husband disappears...no note...nothing...takes Bucky with him

me: I didn't know where they were for about 18 hours

me: so i was freaking out

t: ok

me: then when they did come back i just split...couldn't deal with anymore and hung out with said person from Friday night again

me: I slept about 6 hours in 4 days

t: wow..

t: I have done that before too..but for different reasons

me: everyone was trying to talk to me...

me: and stuff

t: ok

me: so sunday night i went and stayed at this hotel on the beach.... $29.99 and I laid on the balcony and i cried...I missed you so much

t: I am sorry babe

me: nope

me: don't say that

me: cause you have nothing to be sorry about

me: nothing

me: do you hear me?

me: nothing

t: ok

t: ;-)

me: kewl

me: i talked about this guy...hanging with him...that he was nice...that I didn't want to be alone

t: right

me: that it was tough to be alone when you dont' know where your kid is and you have all this stuff going on

me: and someone told me i was horrible and what about "t"?????

t: why are you horrible?

me: i guess because i claim to love you and then go hang out with some guy I don�t' even know

t: and..

me: and I don't know..

t: nothing wrong with that

me: well...its not the kewlest thing to go do

t: nothing wrong with it...

t: what are you supposed to do...

t: join a convent until I get back?

me: well ya know what

t: what?

me: first ...what you just said is ridicules

me: meaning....

me: you never asked me to join a convent

me: if you did i'd hate you

t: exactly

me: but i found out something this weekend

t: which is?

me: when someone's in your heart...no one else can change that or replace what or who you really want

t: exactly

t: Kristy

me: yes?

me: wait i know...

t: what?

me: you gotta go

t: yep..

t: sorry about that

me: *shrugs*

me: i'm getting used to being numb

me: don't sweat it

t: dont be numb

t: <---feeling guilty

me: no

me: no

me: no

me: no

me: don't do that

t: but I do

me: why?

t: because...

me: am I doing something to make you feel that way? cause if I am i'll go away....

t: I could put off work for a few hours if needed

me: i dont' want to do that to you ever

me: no I don't want you to do those things

t: :D

me: t...its ok

me: i'm ok

me: i'm always ok

t: you sure

me: no but I fake it til I am

t: ok

me: listen....go work..

t: ok babe

t: I love you Kristy :)

me: i just think you don't need me in your life

t: why?

me: its all too complicated

t: hmpft

t: whatever

me: i really doubt you were sitting in a corner somewhere missing me

t: I was visiting friends in Germany

me: i think thats kewl

me: i do

me: i just let myself get too close to you

t: :|

me: whats with that face? lol

t: *shrugs*

t: :D

t: ;)

me: ok so tell me something....

me: you think thats normal

t: whats that?

t: of course....

me: i'm laying under the stars crying because the only person I wanna talk to is you?

t: <--babe magent :D

me: thats normal?

t: of course...

t: you are a babe and I am a babe magnet :D

me: lol

t: its true...at least you being a babe part

me: i started to think you might not come...fro... and then I just refused those thoughts.... and got really defiant about it all

t: didnt I tell you that before?

me: i just think i'm a nut case cause I shouldn't be missing someone I've never met yet .....like that..missing someone like that...

t: nope..you are not a nut case

me: well... for whatever its worth

me: i opened my email a million times and then just sat there not knowing how to put that stuff into words

me: and NO one ever makes ME wordless

t: :">

me: til you

t: sorry babe

me: nope

me: no sorry's

me: i love you and its not easy but i'm not sorry t

me: i'm not sorry

t: ok...I apologize :D

me: grrrr

me: stop that

me: i'm ok

me: i just ...didn't write....

me: and

t: ok babe..but it is work time :(

me: i wanted you to know... I did miss you

me: every single day

t: and I missed you..but I had no computer access there

me: phhhft... stop it

me: it's all ok

me: i'm ok

me: your ok

me: everythings ok

me: i just wanted you to know.. I laid under the stars and cried for you....

me: and then like a dork I send you pyscho email... I need to never do that again

t: lol

t: why...

me: cause I sent pyscho email and you had to go on mission

t: psycho can be fun....if applied with ropes ;)

me: and i'm like "ok...so...like maybe he got pyscho mail and just said he had to go somewhere"

t: nope

t: they said you have a mission you fly out in less than a hour

me: well... for what its worth

me: thanks for telling me...you had to go on a mission

me: and I did think about that too...that I know they come tell you sometimes....quickly

me: and that you did manage to tell me...and I appreciate that

t: yep...

t: :">

t: no problem...

me: cause more than I miss you... I worry about you...I'd really been crazy...if I didn't know

t: I know that

t: but it is time to work babe

me: yeah.. I know you know i'm pyscho chick

me: i know i know....

t: I love you Princess

me: i love you right front....

me: i'm cool.... i just miss you

me: go work

t: I hope to catch you later....but dont stay up waiting for me ok

t: :x

t: :-*

me: k...

I really feel..better..confused...torn