cracked but never broken
Tuesday, Feb. 25, 2003
I'm drinking out of a coffee cup that has a giant crack that appears
to be going the entire way through it. It's like by magic its holding itself
together. I know that feeling, but I haven't had it for a little while now.
I used to wake up and realize where I was and want to roll over and fall immediately back to sleep and forget my location. Now I wake up and my arm or my leg reaches across the bed looking for him. When he is clearly there and responds even in his sleep, I do not fear the brand new day.
I email him even though he's beside me, I drive to his workplace just to give him sweet word filled cards, I deliver coffee, drinks, cigarettes, love. It never feels like enough...like I can never possibly give back enough, but I intend to always try.
When I type in the morning, listening to the cars drive by on 5th Avenue, I know that someday I will remember these moments, the sounds, the smell of faint strawberrys in the air, the way he breaths when he sleeps, his arm flung over his eyes warding out the morning light. I will remember because I am saving it all in my heart.
-PoeticaL
P.s. Sometimes I miss you J.E.M. I miss chatting to you..sometimes. And then I get a message from you and I remember just how caustic you can be.
