PoeticaL
cluttering the net since 2001

mark my words...

Wednesday, Mar. 20, 2002
this is my reply to mark for the most part…

I am not currently with anyone whereas you are very married and I can tell you firsthand that if you are emotionally involved with someone online it will mess up your marriage. Ask Glenn. Ask me. Ask lots of people. I don’t appreciate your judgmental comments. I have been to hell and back in the last year and a half. I readily admit that I have done wrong things towards and against my husband. Perhaps I deserve his actions. As much as I don’t want to admit that, perhaps I do.

When someone cheats on you the last thing you get around to doing is admitting that perhaps you weren’t emotionally supportive…perhaps you weren’t doing your part in the coupling. Does this mean I condone what he did? NO! It does however mean that I have sat down and thought about what I might have done to cause him to find something in or with someone else. I have spent the last 3 years emotionally involved with "him" when most likely I should have been emotionally involved with the person I chose to marry.

He did wrong things. I did wrong things in retaliation. Before the entire Internet thing becoming issue….he wasn’t there. He started a business that I didn’t condone and perhaps I didn’t support him the way I should have. Instead of standing in his corner and supporting him (incidentally the way I did for "him" even though whatever successes he had would never filter their way into my life the way husbands would have!), I turned towards anyone and anything else that did pay attention to me. I turned my back on the one person that I should have been everything to.

We have been married for 11 years and have a child. We should have turned towards each other for support instead of other people. Why did that happen? Why does anything horrible happen?

I know I am going to get hate mail etc. But I have to say that the level of communication is so high between he and I right now. He is remorseful and I know I’ll get all the comments like “he’ll do it again..” Yes he would if everything in his life was disappointing and unfulfilling again. We have had some of the deepest conversations that I’ve ever had with anyone.

I think that while I learned a great deal about myself from (“him”), I think his involvement in my marriage issues was completely detrimental. Was that his fault? No. It was my fault.

As far as your knowledge of who I am. That started when I met your friend Glenn. Glenn who thought it was a good thing to take off his wedding ring and walk out on his wife to come and tell me what a total shit my husband was for leaving me for his ex-girlfriend. The pot calling the kettle black or what? I learned from the entire Glenn fiasco.

3 hours before I caught Mrs. Cleaver crawling out of my bedroom window, I told my husband….the following..

I have learned that there is no good side to be on when it comes the Infidelity Fence.

I have been on all sides. I have cheated. I have been wronged. I have had the other women tell me “May the best woman win.” The only thing I haven’t done is sleep with a married man..have sex with a married man and try to convince him to leave his wife. I never did that. When Glenn said he wanted to go home to his wife I wished him luck and drove his ass back to the airport. And I didn’t sleep with him despite what his wife thinks.

My husband and son are coming over to my apartment tonight so we can all make dinner together. It was the 3 of us against the world for so many years….I want that back. I am simply going to forgive. Forgive…try my best to overcome and let the future unfold itself the way it’s intended. Does this mean I want him back in my life? Well…he’s always going to be in my life one way or another. He’s the father of my son. I love him…I always will. The future is going to write itself and I am no longer afraid of the ink. What will be will be….

-PoeticaL

3:46 a.m. ::
prev :: next