PoeticaL
cluttering the net since 2001

calling dr man...dr my eyesss

Wednesday, Sept. 29, 2004
Tonight I stood in the U bathroom and talked to the head doctor on my cellphone….I snuck into the stall and told him I was feeling as though I were allowing someone to do as they wished rather than expecting that I deserve better than empty promises. It was 10:20 p.m. He said that I shouldn’t call anymore. He said that I should make my wishes clear and concise and without whining or begging but that I should also accept that I may not get what I want and that I have to move through the agony with grace. He also explained that my mountain full of rejection slips might be only something I am creating for myself rather than what's being done to me. It might just be all in my head? Damn, I'm glad I have a head doctor to point that out to me. And to think I have only spent around $300 so far to get to this point. I know I'm much better, but why can't someone make me feel better about a certain pain?

He also told me to take the sleeping pill tonight and allow myself to sleep….. I took it an hr ago when I got home….after two unanswered phone calls he told me not to make…..I’m half listening to him. Never mind that every time I talk to him I rush thru everything I’m wanting to discuss because I’m paying by the quarter hour. Sometimes having to ask for what you want makes it the same thing that if you got it, you wouldn't want it because you wanted it to be given without you having to request it first.

-PoeticaL

Doctor, my eyes
Tell me what you see
I hear their cries
Just say if it's too late for me
Doctor, my eyes
Cannot see the sky
Is this the prize for having learned
how not to cry
j. browne
12:11 a.m. ::
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