cast aways - about me
I write, I read, I live, I breath.
I have come a long way, have a long way to go.
I�ve been keeping an online diary since August 4, 2001. The layout there has been updated since the original crapped out and the entries weren�t legible. I keep it up and live because it reminds me of just what a sad and lost girl I once was. I�m not proud of that girl�I am however proud of the one I am becoming now.
I am 35 years old and I am happily married to my husband Rick. We met on January 11, 2003 and got married on November 2, 2005 a year after I proposed to him!!
I have a 13 yr old son to a previous very well documented bad marriage. My son is an amazing person who makes me strive to be the best person I can possibly be. He�s my inspiration always. If given the choice I would marry his father again and again and again so long as the outcome was still as amazing as my son is. I have learned to have no regrets for everything in life turns out just as it should...even if it does involve pain and personal growth.
I am a college student and work for the same University I attend. I love my job and I really enjoy all of the people I get to work with. I have a great dog and I have a happy life�..finally�my online scribbles have helped me through some of the roughest years and now �.writing and documenting my happy moments is truly far more fun. I love looking back on the good memories far better than looking at the bad. But knowing firsthand the bad�has truly allowed me to appreciate the happiness I now have.
I live in Florida but I am from Johnstown, PA. Johnstown is only famous for that big flood. I don�t go back home ever. I haven�t been back there since I last saw my father who is now deceased. Someday I�ll take my husband Rick and show him where I grew up. The only family I have back there that truly matters is my Aunt DeDe and her family (my first cousins)�my father�s sister.
I am majoring in Business Management and want to tell other people which papers to push around all day�someday. I read tons of books and own over 750 of them (at last count). I would be lost without a book to read. I used to write more poetry than i have as of late....I just don't have the time I used to have now that I am a fulltime employee, a full time wife, mother, and student. But that's ok....I'm also fulltime happy.
This is the real cast in the story of my life�
"Rick" Rick is my husband). He works for a moving company as a driver. He hates armoires but he loves Diablo and cheese on his cheese. He hates when I whine, bitch and/or rant, but adores me when I scratch his back, wash the dishes, and do that one thing that...
He gave me a place to live when I only knew him for less than 48 hours and became homeless due to ex's bad choices. We met through friends and in a most normal way and also AFTER ex-husband left. He's the best thing to happen in my life for years. I am happy being around him and with him. He makes me smile so much my face hurts. We�ve been together since January of 2003.
"Randy" Randy is Rick's twin brother, and he and Rick were roommates when I met Rick. I moved in with both of them and spent a lot of time hanging out with Randy and so we got to know each other. They do not look identical but they do have some of the same mannerisms. He's a nice guy and was also nice enough to help me out during a rough time in my life. I consider him a friend not just my future brother-in-law. Randy has a girlfriend he�s now living with. He�s happy. Very happy. And I�m happy for him.
�ex� This nickname is obvious. I was married for 12 years. We met in our mutual hometown in PA. We got married after only a 2-month long dating period. I wasn�t pregnant either! We separated well over 3 years ago and have been divorced since Sept.03. He�s the father of my only child�who is amazing. My child, not my ex. He left for the girl he cheated on me with, my neighbor of 4 years who gave me a bible once for Christmas. "Thou shall not covet thy neighbor's wife" was not highlighted...yet. She was also a married woman at the time. Sinner! She was arrested in August of 2005 because she was hitting him on the front lawn. Go figure�
Keith � is my 13 year old son. I referred to him as �Bucky� for many years in my diary keeping activities. He�s a very artsy child. He draws and writes too. He�s sensitive and loving and just plain funny. He�s got light brown hair and Frank Sinatra blue eyes. He claims he wants to be a famous singer someday. Whatever he does I know now it will be amazing. He�s my reason to strive to be a better person�.always.
Chloe is my dog. Rick got her for me for my birthday. She�s by far the best gift I ever got for my birthday�or any other holiday for that matter!! She's a miniature pinscher and I love her to death. She's rocks!!!! I inherited her from her former owners who had a real live baby and decided that Chloe didn�t fit in. BAD former owners BAD! Lucky moi�!
�Mad Prophet� is my only true poetical co-hort. He has tons of pen names, Darksoul being the most used. I slip and refer to him as either/or and sometimes just Dark when I speak of him. He�s MadProphet on diaryland though. We met on scroll.org You can literally read that first tentative meeting right here� When I got a diary here, he did also. We�ve been known to say good morning to each other, write poetry back and forth, etc. He is my soul mate, truly. We are friends only. He�s separated from his wife.... I will never tire of receiving daisies. His diary link is in my list. I am envious of his talent but grateful he wants to be my best friend. I hope that one day he finds happiness by the bucketful.
�him� � Brad is �him�. Brad and I have been through a lot together. He and I were online friends first and for years and now we speak from time to time via telephone. He is well and happy and we are on good speaking terms and are still friendly. I don't speak of him often anymore but I still mention him here because he's had a big influence and will always remain in my heart. He�s now engaged and owns his very own �catheter� company. He�s doing quite well with it too. He and his future wife are currently building a home together but have yet to set a date. He knows what college I�m enrolled in, but not the name of his fianc�s. He states that�s because �he doesn�t need to know.�
�Delboy� used to be my co-worker. He�s my absolute best friend locally. We�ll always be friends. He�s my age and was married to a second wife, but she left him for the UPS guy where they both worked. He has 2 kids. 1 to the first wife and 1 to the second wife. Both the 2nd wife and the first wife are selfish bitches and I think he deserves more than either of them ever were. We understand each other and when we get on the phone we talk for hours. I think he�s funny, and honest and just the raddest.
�BraN� is the absolute firstest person I ever met online a l-o-o-o-ng time ago on a now defunct forum called �Freetel�. BraN lives in London, England, has an amazing accent since he�s from South Africa originally and then moved to EnguRRRland. He�s my guardian angel and truly the person who taught me the most about friendship despite distance. When we met online the first time he played techno for me and I was hooked and have been ever since. To him and his techno. He�s just like a big giant smile. A smile I�ll never tire of. I�m always fearful of losing him and he�s just always proving me wrong by being there for me. He gave me the definition of �unconditional love� a million times.
�Bry� wow check that out. His name is really Bry! Well is Bryan but I�ve been calling him Bry since the day we met. He�s an online pal that I�ve known forever. We had a big falling out and didn�t talk for quite some time but we are slowly starting to chat again and I�m glad. Wait..hold the presses�we�re now on a MAJOR BIG falling out and I rarely speak to him ever.
Carla - Although I rarely talk about her in my diary, she�s my best and pretty much only girl friend. Her and I met 21 years ago because of someone else�s Tiger Beat ad that neither of us placed. A friend of mine placed the ad. Carla replied. Instead of hearing back from Suzanne she got me! Suzanne thankfully got too many letters and so I replied to 3 of them. The other two girls�I don�t know what ever happened of them. But Carla and I have been friends ever since. And was 14 then. You do the math! We just met in person for the first time last July (2001) We both went and got tattoos on our backs of Chinese symbols to forever mark our meeting. I love her like the sister that I never had, but I don�t even know if she realizes that.
Greg- Greg lives in GA and is an artist. He's influenced my poetry greatly. He's a brilliant artist. He paints like Dali' only he does it the Greg way. When I met him he was using the nick "EYEamNormaL" I still love that to this day. When he calls me he reads poetry to me over my voicemail. That's just plain great when someone does that!
Tod- If I talk about Tod...it's Tod Goldberg. He's the bombass kind of writer I will never be. I love his stuff and YOU should too. He's a famous nice guy or rather a famous guy nice.
Paul - If I refer to Paul...I mean "the" Paul Westerberg. If you don't know who he is, fuck! After you fuck, do a google search and get educated on everything Paul. You'll be a better person for it.
I�d like to add that I do have family living. I have a sister Tracy who is one year older than me and also has twin daughters. I have seen them only once in their lives. I am an Aunt, but I am sadly not an Aunt. I also have a brother Eric who is 3 years younger than me and still lives at home with my mother and seems to be rather unproductive in his life.
I haven�t seen most of my family in ages. And it�s mostly always been that way. My parents and I had a huge falling out and they disowned me about a dozen years ago. And don�t ask me �what did you do?� I didn�t do anything wrong, sometimes people fuck up and things get fucked up and you can�t get them unfucked for lack of better words. I�ve come to terms with the way things are more so now than I ever have.
But years later I reconciled with my father who subsequently passed away. I am living this life on my own outside of the confines of the normal or typical family. My grandparents on my estranged mother�s side have seen my son only on a rare few occasions and my grandmother refers to him often by the wrong name, mostly because she never sees him and not at all because of senility. She does however send him a card for every holiday imaginable and a savings bond for every Birthday and Christmas. She does something, but she doesn�t know him and he only knows her as the card lady person who �well yah you get the picture.
I think I value my friends and my little family in a way most people don�t. My ex-husband does have family, but they are not what I would call close and they also live up North. But they do love my son and see him as often as humanly possible in the constraints of distance. For that I am glad and never refuse to allow my son to have that relationship even though the marriage was a mess and is over.
Having Rick�s family in my life has much to do with this fact. They are great�.and I love them all. The fact that he�s so close to his brother�s and that they have all been nothing but kind and accepting of me�makes me happy in a way I can�t put into words.
I mention all of this in my cast of characters because I think it�s important to know these things in order to really understand why the cast of my life is so short and tons of the people that matter to me have been online, etc.
You can see pictures of most of the people that matter to me on my badly needing updated website... PoeticaL MusinGs as well as often here on my diary.
I am currently working on 101 goals�.
Creating your own 1001 Day Project
The Mission:
Complete 101 preset tasks in a period of 1001 days.
The Criteria:
Tasks must be specific (ie. no ambiguity in the wording) with a result that is
either measurable or clearly defined. Tasks must also be realistic and
stretching (ie. represent some amount of work on my part).
Why 1001 Days?
Many people have created lists in the past - frequently simple goals such as
new year's resolutions. The key to beating procrastination is to set a deadline
that is realistic. 1001 Days (about 2.75 years) is a better period of time than
a year, because it allows you several seasons to complete the tasks, which is
better for organizing and timing some tasks such as overseas trips or outdoor
activities.
Some common goal setting tips:
1. Be decisive. Know exactly what you want, why you want it, and how you plan
to achieve it.
2. Stay Focused. Any goal requires sustained focus from beginning to end.
Constantly evaluate your progress.
3. Welcome Failure. Frequently, very little is learned from a venture that did
not experience failure in some form. Failure presents the opportunity to learn
and makes the success more worthy.
4. Write down your goals. It clarifies your thinking and reinforces your
commitment.
5. Keep your goals in sight. Review them frequently, and ensure that they are
always at the forefront of your thinking.
Calculating the End Date
You
can easily find out when your project will end by using this handy
tool at timeanddate.com.
Financial/Career
1. clean up credit report
2. become debt current/free
3. move up one level at work
4. open a savings account for a rainy day
5. open a Christmas club account
6. prepare a will
7. buy a house
8. pay off car
9. get rid of truck and buy a new vehicle for rick
Things to do
10. Take Rick parasailing
11. Paint pottery with Keith
12. Have wedding pictures printed, framed,hung.
13. test drive a Mazda RX8
14. test drive a new Honda Prelude
15. Buy a pair of sexy shoes and wear them every day for a week
16. have a themed party for Rick�s brothers
17. get a poem published in a literary magazine
18. have dinner on a deck overlooking the ocean
19. ride a hot air balloon
20. visit the Florida Holocaust Museum
Things to learn
21. take a craft class at Michaels
22. gain 3 more college math credits
23. buy a flute and take lessons
24. learn how to write in calligraphy
25. take a photography class
26. take a cake decorating class
Home Sweet Home
27. Frame a copy of Pop a Pill and hang
28. Buy a booksellers table for next to bed
29. Organize shoes
30. Organize and catalog books
31. organize CD collection
32. have all film lying around developed
33. hang pictures around a room at chair rail height
34. Paint at least one wall in living room a color
35. clean out bathroom closet and organize in colorful way
36. Paint a kitchen wall red
37. plaster a wall with my own poetry
Things to buy
38. A better digital camera
39. Buy a filing cabinet and marry husband/wife paperwork
40. Buy Robert Frost book and read a poem every morning for one week
41. find a signature fragrance to adopt for myself
42. find a chunky substantial piece of jewelry, all gold or all silver
43. get a new address book and update it
44. Send Aunt DeDe some flowers
45. buy a funky coffee scoop for a friend
46. buy new chef�s not missing heads
47. a new pretty collar for bitty dogs for Chloe
48. a gift for my husband that makes his eyes pop out of his head
49. pretty container for marriage license for china cabinet display
50. sexy lingerie
51. buy myself flowers
52. a fish eye camera
Travel
53. visit my hometown of Johnstown with Rick
54. go to Illinois to visit Rick�s hometown
55. go back to Harborside for anniversary
56. visit New Mexico for a weekend
57. drive down to key west
58. rent a moped at key west
59. watch a movie at the MOSI
Personal
60. Get new spectacles
61. buy some funky sunglasses, be more daring!
62. Organize some of my poetry and self publish a zine
63. Sing the Pina Colada song in the rain
64. Paint an abstract picture and hang it on the wall with pride
65. Buy a cookie jar for the kitchen and keep it full
66. Cook a new recipe
67. Go to a palm reader or a psychic
68. Read Infinite Jest by David Wallace Foster
69. Foster female to female friendships
70. Find a new therapist
71. Experiment with new makeup colors
Spirituality/Religion
72. Find a pretty Catholic church and go to at least one mass
73. Write my grandfather a letter
74. Do something in memory of my father
75. Get tattoo on foot
76. Buy an annotated bible
77. Give to Leukemia charity
Goodwill
78. Pay for the person behind me at Starbucks drive thru
79. Donate a book to the library in memory of my father
80. clean out closet and give clothing items to charity
Food
81. make strawberry spaghetti
82. make no-bake cookies for Rick
83. Buy a slow cooker just to make overnight oatmeal
84. make Rick a souffl�
85. got to a wine tasting event
86. make homemade potato bread for Rick
87. Buy a pizelle iron and make pizelle�s
88. Bake a homemade pie for Rick
89. Make something with cheese on cheese for Rick
90. Give Rick an hour long massage by candelight
Relationships
91. Buy ten cans or more of whipped cream and�
92. Fly a kite on the beach with someone special
93. Picnic at the park
94. Send handwritten Christmas cards
95. write my husband a love letter
96. have breakfast on the beach with my husband on a Sunday morning
97. take a walk on the beach at sunset
98. buy a disposable camera�s and take pictures for a day with my son
99. buy buy co-worker/friends cards for their birthday�s thanking them
100. write my grandmother a letter
101. stay up all night and watch the sunrise together
From date: Wednesday,
March 1, 2006
Added 1,001 days
Resulting date: Wednesday, November 26, 2008