I collect lighters. I collect beer steins. (drunk fathers always have those) I think about DNA. I�m glad I forgave him. I miss him every single day. It makes me smile to think his old neighbor back up in PA still remembers my Dad when he sees a funky lighter. It�s not what we do with our lives it is what we leave behind that can not be erased. My Dad was liked despite his faults.

Dad�s Old Neighbor: I was talking about you the other day

Me: to whom?

Dad�s Old Neighbor: My cousin about you lighter collection

Me: ahhh

Me: it's a kewl collection

Me: I like it a lot

Me: I've grown to like it far more in the last 2 years than when I first got it

Dad�s Old Neighbor: Yea she has a Cresson wrench lighter

Me: awww man I want it

Dad�s Old Neighbor: LOL

Me: *shrugs*

Me: it's an addiction

Dad�s Old Neighbor: I told her that she said they where a buck but I never went to get you one I am sorry

Me: the funny thing is i don't even smoke

Dad�s Old Neighbor: LOL

Dad�s Old Neighbor: Oh well most people that collect something don�t actually use what they collect

Me: yeah its odd

Me: well it's a nice thing cause it's like carrying on a piece of my Dad

Me: I intend to give it to my son someday

Dad�s Old Neighbor: that well be very nice

Dad�s Old Neighbor: how many do you have now.

Me: there's about 100 or more

Me: but they're easy to collect

Me: rather cheap

Me: and small

Me: know what?

Me: of me, my sister and my brother

Dad�s Old Neighbor: what?

Me: I'm the only one with a penchant for collecting

Me: no one else wanted that stuff of his

Me: I still have his beer steins

Me: they're displayed in this new house

Me: it's a nice thing to have

Dad�s Old Neighbor: yes because they where your dads

Me: yup

Dad�s Old Neighbor: But see I am not like that I collect nothing

Me: I think you're either like that or your not

Dad�s Old Neighbor: I am not LOL

Me: that's ok

Me: I can tell

Me: you didn't get me a kewl $1 lighter!

Me: a collector person woulda got it for me

Me: lol

Dad�s Old Neighbor: LOL

Dad�s Old Neighbor: I am sorry She said where she got it but I do not remember

Me: s'ok

Me: it's too far away for me

Me: lol

Dad�s Old Neighbor: it was cool you pulled apart the jaws to light it

Me: teeheee

Dad�s Old Neighbor: in New York near Buffalo somewhere LOL

Me: I have a cellphone lighter

Me: a "leg" lighter

Dad�s Old Neighbor: A naked woman spreading her legs?

Me: no

Me: it's just a leg

Me: a womens leg

Dad�s Old Neighbor: LOL

Dad�s Old Neighbor: Dang

Me: her shoe flips open

Me: flames come out her sole

Me: hahaha

Dad�s Old Neighbor: I thought maybe fire came from somewhere else

Me: lol

Me: he had that penis lighter

Me: I still have it

Me: Bucky's even seen it

Dad�s Old Neighbor: Yep LOL

Dad�s Old Neighbor: I remember that

Me: I have his crack pipe keychain too

Me: lol

Me: my dad was not Mr. Cleaver

Dad�s Old Neighbor: Not at all

Dad�s Old Neighbor: he bnroke everything and I fixed it

Me: lol

Me: did you ever see how he wrote all that shit on one piece of paper turning it and turning it all around?

Dad�s Old Neighbor: yes I never understood that

Me: til one piece of paper was full of writing

Me: so covered you couldn't find anything

Dad�s Old Neighbor: yep and readable because it was turned

Me: I never saw that

Me: that he did that

Me: until after he died

Me: I found pages and pages of that shit

Dad�s Old Neighbor: really?

Me: yeah...

Me: really

Dad�s Old Neighbor: He always did that

Me: really?

Dad�s Old Neighbor: yep

Me: well...

Me: when I saw it

Me: I bawled like a babie cause I never saw it before and my own desk at home looks just like that all the time

Dad�s Old Neighbor: really?

Me: my husband saw that and said "holy fuck"

Me: it drives him nuts

Me: that i do that

Me: and I never much thought about it

Dad�s Old Neighbor: everything good?

Me: then I saw that my own dad did it always and I never even knew til he was passed away

Me: so alike.... without knowing it

Dad�s Old Neighbor: brb putting dog out again

Me: k

Dad�s Old Neighbor: Sorry I am back for a couple till I have to let her back in

Me: k

Me: its weird to think that there's genetics inside of us that we have no control over

Me: that I have traits that weren't learned by seeing example but rather by being a part or piece of someone else's dna

Dad�s Old Neighbor: Thats true

Me: its freaky

Me: but not in a bad way

Dad�s Old Neighbor: LOL

Me: I think my Dad was fucked up in lots of ways, but in the ways he wasn't....he was just really fucking kewl

Me: just like me

Dad�s Old Neighbor: LOL

Dad�s Old Neighbor: Yes your dad had some crazzy things in his mind

Me: <---ditto

Me: ever notice how he chased after the ladies?

Dad�s Old Neighbor: But I still liked him

Me: after love?

Dad�s Old Neighbor: He chased at skirts LOL

Me: <-----chases non-skirts

Me: it's the damn DNA I tell ya

Me: DNA = Do Not Admit Anything

Dad�s Old Neighbor: LOL

Dad�s Old Neighbor: Everyone chases the oposite sex around

Me: well.... he chased it all over the world

Me: <---does the same

Me: I just hope I don't get hair in my ears when I get old... I don't want that DNA

Dad�s Old Neighbor: LOL

Dad�s Old Neighbor: I guess not

Me: and know what?

Me: even after I saw my Dad wrote all over paper like that...... I tried to break my habit

Me: I can't

Me: I get organized for short periods of time only.

Me: Then the papers littered with too many words come back.

Me: I hope someday that I see �Bucky� doing that too.

Me: it would feel oddly nice

Yup, I collect lighters�.all kinds of novelty ones. I have penis lighters. I have boob lighters. I have vagina lighters. And my favorite lighter�.husband gave me on my way home from PA after he passed away. It�s a vodka bottle. It�s not the lighter. Its that he said, �to carry on what was handed down, to light a path to new tomorrows.� And gave me a bag from a 7-eleven with a vodka bottle lighter. I should loath that my father was an alcoholic. But I don�t loath my father, I accepted him the way he was.

It still amazes me that I could accept that but I have yet to ever be accepted. I accepted him because he accepted me. I think it was a DNA lit up with so much carnally mental dignity.