cluttering the net since 2001

lighters, scribbled pages...DNA

Wednesday, Jun. 26, 2002

I collect lighters. I collect beer steins. (drunk fathers always have those) I think about DNA. Iím glad I forgave him. I miss him every single day. It makes me smile to think his old neighbor back up in PA still remembers my Dad when he sees a funky lighter. Itís not what we do with our lives it is what we leave behind that can not be erased. My Dad was liked despite his faults.

Dadís Old Neighbor: I was talking about you the other day

Me: to whom?

Dadís Old Neighbor: My cousin about you lighter collection

Me: ahhh

Me: it's a kewl collection

Me: I like it a lot

Me: I've grown to like it far more in the last 2 years than when I first got it

Dadís Old Neighbor: Yea she has a Cresson wrench lighter

Me: awww man I want it

Dadís Old Neighbor: LOL

Me: *shrugs*

Me: it's an addiction

Dadís Old Neighbor: I told her that she said they where a buck but I never went to get you one I am sorry

Me: the funny thing is i don't even smoke

Dadís Old Neighbor: LOL

Dadís Old Neighbor: Oh well most people that collect something donít actually use what they collect

Me: yeah its odd

Me: well it's a nice thing cause it's like carrying on a piece of my Dad

Me: I intend to give it to my son someday

Dadís Old Neighbor: that well be very nice

Dadís Old Neighbor: how many do you have now.

Me: there's about 100 or more

Me: but they're easy to collect

Me: rather cheap

Me: and small

Me: know what?

Me: of me, my sister and my brother

Dadís Old Neighbor: what?

Me: I'm the only one with a penchant for collecting

Me: no one else wanted that stuff of his

Me: I still have his beer steins

Me: they're displayed in this new house

Me: it's a nice thing to have

Dadís Old Neighbor: yes because they where your dads

Me: yup

Dadís Old Neighbor: But see I am not like that I collect nothing

Me: I think you're either like that or your not

Dadís Old Neighbor: I am not LOL

Me: that's ok

Me: I can tell

Me: you didn't get me a kewl $1 lighter!

Me: a collector person woulda got it for me

Me: lol

Dadís Old Neighbor: LOL

Dadís Old Neighbor: I am sorry She said where she got it but I do not remember

Me: s'ok

Me: it's too far away for me

Me: lol

Dadís Old Neighbor: it was cool you pulled apart the jaws to light it

Me: teeheee

Dadís Old Neighbor: in New York near Buffalo somewhere LOL

Me: I have a cellphone lighter

Me: a "leg" lighter

Dadís Old Neighbor: A naked woman spreading her legs?

Me: no

Me: it's just a leg

Me: a womens leg

Dadís Old Neighbor: LOL

Dadís Old Neighbor: Dang

Me: her shoe flips open

Me: flames come out her sole

Me: hahaha

Dadís Old Neighbor: I thought maybe fire came from somewhere else

Me: lol

Me: he had that penis lighter

Me: I still have it

Me: Bucky's even seen it

Dadís Old Neighbor: Yep LOL

Dadís Old Neighbor: I remember that

Me: I have his crack pipe keychain too

Me: lol

Me: my dad was not Mr. Cleaver

Dadís Old Neighbor: Not at all

Dadís Old Neighbor: he bnroke everything and I fixed it

Me: lol

Me: did you ever see how he wrote all that shit on one piece of paper turning it and turning it all around?

Dadís Old Neighbor: yes I never understood that

Me: til one piece of paper was full of writing

Me: so covered you couldn't find anything

Dadís Old Neighbor: yep and readable because it was turned

Me: I never saw that

Me: that he did that

Me: until after he died

Me: I found pages and pages of that shit

Dadís Old Neighbor: really?

Me: yeah...

Me: really

Dadís Old Neighbor: He always did that

Me: really?

Dadís Old Neighbor: yep

Me: well...

Me: when I saw it

Me: I bawled like a babie cause I never saw it before and my own desk at home looks just like that all the time

Dadís Old Neighbor: really?

Me: my husband saw that and said "holy fuck"

Me: it drives him nuts

Me: that i do that

Me: and I never much thought about it

Dadís Old Neighbor: everything good?

Me: then I saw that my own dad did it always and I never even knew til he was passed away

Me: so alike.... without knowing it

Dadís Old Neighbor: brb putting dog out again

Me: k

Dadís Old Neighbor: Sorry I am back for a couple till I have to let her back in

Me: k

Me: its weird to think that there's genetics inside of us that we have no control over

Me: that I have traits that weren't learned by seeing example but rather by being a part or piece of someone else's dna

Dadís Old Neighbor: Thats true

Me: its freaky

Me: but not in a bad way

Dadís Old Neighbor: LOL

Me: I think my Dad was fucked up in lots of ways, but in the ways he wasn't....he was just really fucking kewl

Me: just like me

Dadís Old Neighbor: LOL

Dadís Old Neighbor: Yes your dad had some crazzy things in his mind

Me: <---ditto

Me: ever notice how he chased after the ladies?

Dadís Old Neighbor: But I still liked him

Me: after love?

Dadís Old Neighbor: He chased at skirts LOL

Me: <-----chases non-skirts

Me: it's the damn DNA I tell ya

Me: DNA = Do Not Admit Anything

Dadís Old Neighbor: LOL

Dadís Old Neighbor: Everyone chases the oposite sex around

Me: well.... he chased it all over the world

Me: <---does the same

Me: I just hope I don't get hair in my ears when I get old... I don't want that DNA

Dadís Old Neighbor: LOL

Dadís Old Neighbor: I guess not

Me: and know what?

Me: even after I saw my Dad wrote all over paper like that...... I tried to break my habit

Me: I can't

Me: I get organized for short periods of time only.

Me: Then the papers littered with too many words come back.

Me: I hope someday that I see ďBuckyĒ doing that too.

Me: it would feel oddly nice

Yup, I collect lightersÖ.all kinds of novelty ones. I have penis lighters. I have boob lighters. I have vagina lighters. And my favorite lighterÖ.husband gave me on my way home from PA after he passed away. Itís a vodka bottle. Itís not the lighter. Its that he said, ďto carry on what was handed down, to light a path to new tomorrows.Ē And gave me a bag from a 7-eleven with a vodka bottle lighter. I should loath that my father was an alcoholic. But I donít loath my father, I accepted him the way he was.

It still amazes me that I could accept that but I have yet to ever be accepted. I accepted him because he accepted me. I think it was a DNA lit up with so much carnally mental dignity.

9:40 p.m. ::
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