hear comes the tide

You are my best friend, most days you are my only friend. Sometimes I don�t understand why I don�t let too many more people come in. There�s a big party in my mind. You asked me why and how I was so much fun to be around and I can only say that it�s because I am a party. A party for one. You�re just happy to be invited, aren�t you, even though you can�t come for cake.

I walk sideways on most days and most nights I am straightforward like a car crash. You don�t see those moments. He �sea�s� those moments like the waves of anger that they are, the moments of in-clarity, the twin brother of insanity. The moments that make me burn through my past like a train wreck until I land feet up in a closet full of dustridden soles. I am lost. You don�t see that part of me. The lost side. You see the happy girl banging on her horn in mid-day traffic. You see the rap free style when I am almost always more like Plath.

You know me, but do you know what it is to be around me, near me�part of me. You hear syllables and build your own speeches. I am a scream, a long hollow scream that echoes across empty beaches. I just want someone to love me enough that they will dance if I drown, but they can�t rejoice if I falter, they expect nothing and get everything because it is only then that I have the full aptitude to give my all. I want you to keep up the guise that anything is possible, that blank pages don�t exist. I want to write a love story about you, where I win the entire accolade.

I want to get married wearing daisies and words. I want to walk down a path of poetry on the floor and watch petals fall from the sky. I want doves to sing lullabies and I want you to be next to me. I want to tell you in front of god that you are the one. I just can�t figure out if you know me, or someone else you choose to see. I can�t figure out why you won�t ask me. I can�t figure out if I want this or just fixate on the well without water whenever I feel completely dry.