PoeticaL
cluttering the net since 2001

hope

Sunday, Aug. 25, 2002
Someone told me that I wasn’t “writing” that I was having a midlife crisis and that my life was mundane. I’d like to invite said person to come jamb his ugly feet into my hellish shoes for one day and then judge me.

Other than that, I’ve had a quiet weekend and an amazing conversation that leaves me with hope….

me: i'm serious about what I said

t: ?

me: you know

me: if you can't deal with it

me: you need to figure that out now

t: i know...

t: but why would i not be able to deal with it?

me: ask all the people that couldn't

me: but said they could

me: i'm not asking you to deal with it

me: that's the thing

me: i'm really not

t: but my name isn't "all people who couldn't"

me: i'm just asking you not to lie and say you can if you can't

t: it is a lot of stuff kristy...

t: but I dont see no reason not to deal with it

me: i know that

t: does that make sense

me: theres a lot of reasons not to t

me: you dont have any issues in your life right now

me: its all nice and clean and easy

me: why fuck it all up

me: why?

me: why?

t: why would I be f'ing it up?

me: because my life's all fucked up

me: i told you that a long time ago

t: i know you did...

t: but why would it f mine up?

me: well I guess it can't if you just want to fuck and then leave

t: whatever

me: don't whatever me

me: ugh

me: i'm gonna say this once

me: i love you. i feel bad that i'm in the middle of 12 feet of total crap and I can't just be free......and not have this going on ...because I really wish I was something better for you

t: I love you ....and you dont need to be any better than who you are right now

me: do you understand?

me: do you understand that if you can't deal with it...i'm not gonna hate you ...

t: yes

t: yes

me: you don't have to do that for me t

t: do what...? understand and be content to deal with stuff?

me: i just dont' want my mess to ever cause you to resent me

me: if I had a family...I woulda left ...I'd be there wherever there would be, trying to get my life straight

t: I would never resent you

me: i don't have anywhere to go t

t: I know

me: i don't even know what i'm trying to say here anymore

me: maybe i need to just shut up

t: or smile a second or two

me: awww t

2:49 p.m. ::
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