PoeticaL
cluttering the net since 2001

some things never change

Tuesday, Jul. 25, 2006
Intending only to discuss the proper use and the expensiveness of the Proactive I bought for my son (he must maintain his sexy) with the ex-husband last night, I ended up walking outside my front door to discuss this one topic and…..we ended up on several other topics that have long been stagnant. I had one thing to say but apparently the rest of me had a lot of pent up information I’ve been holding back that I spewed out in large quantities.

One thing remains very true about that man. He is a pussy when it comes to dealing with issues. Yes, I called him a pussy. As in wimp. He cannot and will not ever stand up to his wife. Sad. His response’s when I pointed out that she cannot let it go and act maturely for the sake of our son went something like this:

“I cannot change how they interact.” “I cannot do anything about it…it just is what it is and I’ve accepted that.” “It’s none of your business.”

My responses to that…

“So it’s ok with you and you’re an adult and your answer is to give up?” To which he said….

Yah he really said nothing. He admitted defeat and that he has decided not to concern himself about it.

He then told me that I have not changed at all.

Would that be because it will never be acceptable to me to accept that you are a pussy? Is it because I would not allow any one to treat my son so poorly or to speak about him to other’s in such derogatory terms and this inability on my part just causes him to truly see what his new wife really is? Therefore my ability to point out his misgivings in such succinct ways pisses him off and therefore in that aspect I haven’t changed one bit? Yup. You got it.

Just as I pointed out that for the first few years of my son’s life he was never there, never home and I was the main caregiver, he would not accept that. It’s as if he was living a life that was not the same one I lived with him. Does he forget all the trips to jail, all the abandoning he did. All the times he left me with that child to fend for ourselves because he was a shitty provider and couldn’t get it together? I’m sure he does. He’s merely chosen not to “concern” himself with those things. Pathetic.

We also spoke about a recent incident of trouble my son got into. We are on the same page on that issue and it’s odd. It’s like every other issue is mucked up and this one is perfectly clear.

Last night’s hour and a half long conversation took place with my son present. Whatever I have to say about his father I can say in front of him. I speak the truth and I don’t like my son being told that something else was said or occurred so from here on out he is present for a lot of conversations. Not all, there are those that occur over the phone that he knows little to nothing about.

There are times when I speak to my son’s father and I wonder what the heck was so hard about us getting along. And I think for years I was in denial. We never fought and so I thought we were getting along. Apparently he didn’t agree with me but had decided he could not “concern himself” with that. Ha! Go figure.

I truly sometimes wonder if he married her for love, because sociopath’s do not understand or know how to love….or if he married her because he “found someone to use” as he instructed me to do when we split up. Nice, eh? Dear New Mr’s *****, you are the one he’s using now.

On a side note: I love that my current husband doesn’t try to control me or tell me what to do or how to feel or how to raise my son. He allows me to make the decisions as I see fit, afterall I’ve been his mother for a long time. As I told the ex-husband, “If Rick did this, he wouldn’t be in my life, but you let her speak however she wishes, it must suck to have someone else control your entire life.” He did the old classic…and stood there looking at me with his dopey face.

Oh and one other thing….it’s never ever ever cool or ok nor does it look good to wear construction work boots with old man shirts and jean shorts. Not cool. I didn’t think it was cool when I was 20 and you were 26, and that part of my thought processes hasn’t changed either. So I suck and you’re still a pussy.

And a note to my son: sometimes it’s the big mistakes you make that make you a much better person in the end. I love you with all that I am and I will always be on your side in this world.

8:36 a.m. ::
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