PoeticaL
cluttering the net since 2001

thunderstorms answers

Monday, Jan. 19, 2004

I read thunderstorms diary tonight and was inspired to find the answers to his questions...which were as follows.

how many calories an hour does sex burn?
is it considered aerobic exercise?


How many calories are used during sex????

Sexual Positions

Man on top, woman on bottom (facing each other)..........20 calories
Woman on top, man on bottom.........................................25 calories
From the rear (Mysterious variation)..............................40 1/2 calories
Standing
Both partners of equal height......................................18 calories
Woman 1 foot taller than a man..................................90 calories
While in traction.............................................................124 calories


Location, Location, Location

On a bar stool....................20 calories
Rear of a Honda Civic......38 calories
In a phone booth
Standing.......................14 calories
lying down...................274 calories
On an airliner
Aisle seat....................24 calories
Middle seat.................42 calories
Window seat...............30 calories
In the lavatory.............100 calories
Finding your clothes....................5 calories

Possible Side Effects of Intercourse

Bouncing........................7 calories
Sliding around................9 calories
Serious Skidding............12 calories
Full cartwheel................20 calories
Whiplash........................27 calories
Knee burn.......................6 calories
Chafed elbows...............5 calories
Chafed nose...................11 calories


Sex Related Noises

Short gasps (per gasp).....................................3 calories
Wheezing.........................................................5 calories
Squeals............................................................4 calories
Ecstatic moaning..............................................11 calories
Low growling..................................................8 calories
Squishing.........................................................10 calories
Shouting...........................................................16 calories
Screaming........................................................18 calories
Urgent begging.................................................22 calories
Any short speech giving partner directions......25 calories

Satisfying Partner (organ size)

Normal size............22 calories
Oversize.................15 calories
Tremendous............8 calories
Teensy-weensy.......163 calories


Approaching Orgasm

Letting go..........................................................5 1/2 calories
Controlling yourself.........................................79 calories
Digging nails in your partners back.........11 calories
Trembling........................................................15 calories
Shaking............................................................20 calories
Shuddering......................................................25 calories
Trying to keep eyes open................................33 calories


Orgasm

Real............27 calories
Faked.........160 calories


Orgasmic Intensity Scale

Expression didn't change...............1/2 calorie
Face turned purple........................15 calories
Orchestra swelled.........................6 calories
Magical explosions.......................10 calories
Blazing Sheets...............................25 calories
Earth moved..................................30 calories
Vesuvius erupted...........................47 calories
You began moaning in Latin..........60 calories


Pulling Out

After orgasm...................................1/4 calorie
A few moments before orgasm.......500 calories


Multiple Orgasms

For woman
2......14 calories
5......30 calories
8......47 calories

For Men
2......21 calories
3......39 calories
4......57 calories


Special Orgasms

Clitoral...............15 calories
Vaginal...............21 calories
Penile.................21 calories
Scrotile..............15 calories
Rectal................25 calories
Oral...................30 calories


Premature Ejaculation

During insertion.............................2 calories
During intercourse.........................5 calories
approx.. 2 sec's or 3 thrusts after insertion,
which ever comes first
During foreplay.............................3 calories
Immature ejaculation.....................4 calories
similar to premature ejaculation except male
acts childish and throws a tantrum

Consequences of Premature Ejaculation

For Woman
Frustration..........................................8 calories
Anger.................................................15 calories
Violent mood swing...........................20 calories
Suppressing rage................................25 calories
Not suppressing anger........................65 calories
in extreme cases, this can include cursing, nose tweaks,
and gently massaging partner's head with a tire iron.

For Men
Cursing..............................................10 calories
Apologizing.......................................3 calories
Sniveling..........................................5 calories
Pleading for mercy............................8 calories
Begging for another chance...............15 calories


Recovering

Un-entwining............................................3 calories
Regaining motor control of pelvis.............7 calories
Standing up...............................................9 calories
Getting some juice....................................11 calories


Trying Again

If the woman is ready...........5 calories
If the man is not....................156 calories


Dreaming

Regular dream.................2 calories
Wet Dream......................16 calories
Add 5 calories if it occurs while in bed with your partner;
Add 20 calories if your partner notices
Wet Trance......................20 calories


Masturbation

For pleasure only...................................6 calories
For exercise, too....................................10 calories
For relief from tension...........................12 calories
To pass the time.....................................7 calories
To avoid overeating...............................16 calories
To get in touch with inner self...............10 calories
To get in touch with outer self..............10 1/4 calories
To avoid insanity..................................24 calories
To avoid spending money on a date......9 calories


Using
Your hand(s):
Regular way......................................11 calories
Your finger(s)...................................9 calories
Tweezers..............................................2 calories
An inflatable doll.................................24 calories
Any fruit or vegetable..........................19 calories
A vibrator:
Hand-operated.................................12 calories
Windup............................................9 calories
Electric............................................5 calories
Anything not mentioned here.................50 calories
In a pornographic movie theater
Purchasing the ticket.........................2 1/2 calories
Finding isolated seat.........................78 calories
Adjusting raincoat.............................3 calories


Typical Sex-Related Fears

Partner hates me for what I did............................4 calories
Partner hates me for what I didnt do....................8 calories
Forgetting the instructions in the sex manual.......10 calories
Climaxing too soon.............................................5 calories
Climaxing too late...............................................6 calories
Not climaxing......................................................20 calories
Partner thinks of me as a sex object.....................9 calories
Partner doesn't think of me as a sex object...........47 calories
Partner will neglect to administer last rites
should I not recover from orgasm......................88 calories


Personal Fears

Gigantic cellulite that shake and ripple during orgasm....6 calories
Stretch marks that look like a plowed field........................8 calories
Penis envy.........................................................................72 calories
Body odor of a disgruntled yak..........................................25 calories


Getting Caught

By partner's spouse.........60 calories
By your spouse................60 1/2 calories
Trying to explain.............165 calories
Stuttering.........................28 calories
Throwing-up...................40 calories


Almost Getting Caught

Trying to remain calm...........................100 calories
Fright (includes trembling)...................66 calories
Leaping out of bed................................25 calories
Getting dressed in one large motion.....300 calories
Thanking partner quickly......................2 calories
Jumping out of window........................15 calories
add 5 calories if window wasn't open
Landing................................................1 calorie
Running very fast.................................50 calories
What is aerobic exercise?


The word aerobic literally means "with oxygen" or "in the presence of oxygen." Aerobic activity trains the heart, lungs and cardiovascular system to process and deliver oxygen more quickly and efficiently to every part of the body.


Duration: 20-60 minutes of an exercise session is considered optimal.


So there's some major answers to those questions...eh????

11:35 p.m. ::
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