PoeticaL
cluttering the net since 2001

unfucked life

Sunday, Oct. 01, 2006


It’s 3 a.m. I just finished writing a paper. I’m not up feeling depressed. I’m up watching HGTV and thinking about how much my life has changed in the last nearly 4 years. January will mark 4 years that Rick and I have been together. At this time 4 years ago in October of 2002 I was a mess. A complete and utter mess. I was contemplating suicide nearly every time I got into a car alone. I thought about bad things far too often back then.

Life is better.

It is calm.

It is far more serene.

It’s busier in good ways. It’s hectic in happy ways. I can’t even put all of this into words.

I will say the following things that have either happened recently (or I have realized the differences) and they have made me really grasp how much has changed.

1. I am now being approved for credit rather than laughed at.

2. I am almost half way done with college.


3. I am currently having a period….and this is nearly amazing to me….

4. I am happily married and I realize it daily.


5. I got a statement today from my health insurance company and the total was nearly $10,000.00. My portion (already paid) was $165. ($75 of which was for that stupid bracelet from the ER that one Friday night…) (it’s glorious to have great health insurance…)

6. I want to have another baby. (4 years ago….negative..)


7. I own my own car (in technical fact I own two) and neither of them have ever been repo’d.

8. Nobody has ever called me and told me something about Rick that I didn’t already know. (and neither has any cop….)


9. Nobody steals from me anymore. (my money stays in my wallet…my jewelry remains in my jewelry box…my CD’s remain in their racks….it’s glorious really..)

10. No utility has ever been turned off either.


11. I have friends again…..some great ones too….

12. I even have a bookclub….and no one mucks it up…

13. I’m in college and I’m getting A’s! (no mother I will not ever work at McDonalds…you were WRONG!)


14. My sister and I are emailing each other…..my sister…yes my sister!

15. I’m eating smarter, more, better and losing weight!

16. I have books all over the place and no one bitches at me for it….bliss….


Oh hell let’s just say I’m fucking happy…..I’m so fucking happy I could dance through your living room and piss out flower petals to prove it.

3:26 a.m. ::
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