cluttering the net since 2001


Wednesday, Aug. 04, 2004
“There is no such thing as 'too late' when it's really love.”

Someone said the above to me about my last entry. I think I will write that sentence down so many times my hands will go numb, my fingers will bleed, my pen will die….at least long enough that I feel it instead of just reading it.

Faith is something I’ve never had enough of. For the last year and a half I didn’t have faith that every man would not destroy me like my ex. I forgot to warn myself about self destruction.

To the girl in the 503 area code of the world…your words…made me cry in a public library so hard the old lady next to me said, “don’t you just hate that when you start crying without control?” and she handed me her zip lock baggie of blue Kleenex.

Two more interviews tomorrow, three today, one was a total bust, two others not deciding until next week and frustration grows like a bad weed in a perfect flower bed.

Going to pick up Cathy (who’s lying to her current boyfriend) and taking her to see the last boyfriend. I do this not because I agree, but because she does everything I ask her to do for me. But…I want to grab her by the arms and scream loud into her face “what are you doing? Exactly what are you doing…because let me tell you how badly you are messing everything up….love with all your heart or don’t love anyone at all… but don’t do this halfway shit all over the place!” The fact that she’s lying to two men…a lie is a single untruth that will untangle every tangible thing you think you have….trust me I know…I’m unraveling daily because I lied to myself saying I’d never get hurt as long as I held it all back…

6:20 p.m. ::
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