PoeticaL
cluttering the net since 2001

i volunteered for this

Friday, Jul. 26, 2002

Me: “he” thinks you just want someone to entertain you while you sit out the war
“t”: sit out the war!
Me: I told him "you just want me to entertain you til you find someone you think is good enough...
“t”: I don't see his faggot ass here!
Me: exactly
Me: I agree "t"
“t”: tell him he can lick my left nut! pardon my french
“t”: That pisses me off...
“t”: it is like those people that protest the detainees in Cuba....
Me: lol c'mon “t” don't get upset about some guy without a clue
“t”: ohh you are soo bad to them...
“t”: they have it hard there...
Me: that's total crap
“t”: and those same protesters don't realized that the detainees have it better than me here
Me: I believe that
“t”: at least they don't have people shooting at them
Me: T?
“t”: they get decent meals...with mexican rice!
“t”: kristy?
Me: I was afraid to answer you...cause I said I would never do this again
Me: but ya know what
“t”: what?
Me: I figured even if you were a jerk or something
Me: or asked me to have monkey sex via web cam
Me: that I still just wanted to make sure I said thank you to you
Me: even if you were an internet freak trying to get your groove on bored out of your mind sittin on a sand mound somewhere
Me: I wanted to say thank you
“t”: no need to thank me...
“t”: I should be thanking you...
“t”: because..
Me: well I know its your job and you chose it and all that
Me: no one forced you to go there
Me: but the thing is I'm glad someone chooses to go because I want to take my son to the park and not worry about the building next to it falling on him
“t”: Just so you know...
“t”: I volunteered for this..
Me: I knew that already “t”
Me: you didn’t have to tell me
“t”: because what happened ticked me off so bad..
“t”: made me so mad..
Me: I knew because of everything you've said so far about your dedication
“t”: it literally brought tears to my eyes...

There's that tiny tiny part of me that is terrified about what I"m doing. That part that is jagged and raw and terrified. A man at war... And yet I volunteered.

I think it’s a fact that I could tattoo on my flesh and never wonder why I did it or feel that a day came along that anyone would say “why did you get that inked?”

give too much, take too little, justify having nothing

That’s me. And nothing happened for this feeling to come back. It just haunts me.

-PoeticaL
3:09 a.m. ::
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