cluttering the net since 2001


Thursday, Apr. 03, 2003
Before we got our own place we got along amazingly well. Now I’m agitated and we fight way too much. Last night I threw his lighter and it flew behind him and hit the wall, 6 inches over and it might have hit him. He threw a CD on the floor saying “I can throw things too.” The case cracked into a thousand pieces. I’m going back to the shrink and getting some more happy pills. I swear that’s the only thing that’s changed. It’s me. Yeah it’s me…not him. I know I shouldn’t write this here because within a matter of minutes someone will tell me something that won’t help my mood, etc. I’m calling the doctor…. Rick won’t answer the phone, and I don’t blame him. Maybe I couldn’t go from being married in December to being in a relationship living with someone just a few weeks later. But I don’t think that’s the problem at all. It’s something chemical and I need that drug, I was so different, so much calmer and coping so much better with everything. Last night I had this major headache, didn’t eat for like 9 hours and was running around doing errands/working when I should have just gone to bed. I just cracked, holding it all in for months, all the anger and pain and I just…I’m just messed up I guess.

I’m trying so hard…but before…before we got our own place I didn’t have to try and it was perfect. Zoloft…I need that drug I suppose. Ugh…live and learn. Now where do I get that extra $80 a month??

9:50 a.m. ::
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