cluttering the net since 2001

erogenous zone

Friday, Aug. 02, 2002
For 2 ½ years I never gave much real involved thought to sex just talked about it rarely and even when he and I did, it was always technical and matter of fact more so than anything. A few weeks ago, we talked about erogenous zones and he seemed to sense where mine were, as if that’s hard to guess anyways.

But regardless, now that I think about it, my sex life is directly connected to the emotional ties I feel. I think I no longer have any emotions about him. But I’m sure he could say things to me and rip me wide open and make me whimper in pain. But it’s all a mute point because I’m not even sure I like him anymore. I’m not allowed to talk about him, but he never said I couldn’t talk about my feelings. His “conditional” statements, his “I want to talk to you when I feel like it attitude…

This is now.

I can talk to “t” about anything and everything. He never shuts me down or steps on my thoughts. I tell him about my crappy day and then apologize for dumping and he says no…I want to know. I tell him I want to be close, then I try to run away because I’m so fucking scared of feeling anything for anyone. And he says, “it’s ok…I understand”.

And then I realize that I think a great deal more about sex. About running my tongue all over his body. I think about tying him up, pinning him to the bed, writing on his flesh. I think about piles of clothes on the floor, sweat covered flesh. Lips crushed against lips, hips cracked wide, body’s crashing…

I realize that my biggest erogenous zone is acceptance.

10:30 a.m. ::
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