PoeticaL
cluttering the net since 2001

i'll be a whore but i'm no heroine

Tuesday, Jul. 23, 2002
I asked for it! ;-)

Besides, I met someone I found to be interesting. I was at the very beginnings of speaking to him. That’s it. I never said I loved him. Or that I was going to marry him. And yeah I posted poetry. I write poetry about all sorts of people and things going on. Assumption about other people drives me friggin nutso.

Good grief people. And as for you Jess.. I don’t mind your opinions but I do mind you’re silent stalking and the fact that you are not forthright about where your very own diary is. I tend to believe it’s because you’re ashamed of your own life and make “Jess” feel better by ripping me apart. Lets talk about lost children. I might have tons of issues, but I have my son too! *low blow* yup!

Lastly, yes I talk to people online. If you’re here reading my diary then you also chat to people or you wouldn’t care about reading about someone else’s life right? If you leave guestbook entries then you chat. If you said a comment to me, then you chat. Hypocritical masses….raid my book. You bastages can do better than that.

As for “t” I was at the beginning of speaking to him and caught myself wanting to care about someone new. And I posted my invite for opinions because I know I have this attachment problem. And guess what, I knew that before you guys told me. I knew it and was digesting it all and deciding for myself what and how to deal with old habits and behaviors.

Try having no one in your “real” life to ever talk to. Try it then come talk to me…wait don’t come talk to me because that’s against the law. You can’t chat. It’s against the law. Oh and since you can’t do that you can quit reading this now too.

“t” is a nice guy. I don’t care what anyone else says. But this also doesn’t mean that I’m foolish and am not aware of the entire situation either. I like him. Most likely I’ll continue to talk to him with the knowledge that he’s always going to be somewhere else in this world. And that’s fine too. Mad’s my best friend ever and he’s somewhere else too. BraN’s a very close friend of mine too, guess what…somewhere else. I would rather have these friends than the no one I would otherwise have. Try having 21 addresses in 11 years, missing family, no real connections, try it all then tell me not to form friendships somewhere.

As for this comment….

“You know what this is the diary of an internet ho. Run run before she says she loves you too.”

phhhft. I don’t love anyone but “Bucky”. I care for my friends. Love is a mighty big word for a little emotional girl such as I. I love chocolate chip cookies and along with those I love my friends. But love as in being “in” love. Nope. Nowhere. If I was I wouldn’t be on here whining and suffering through my life everyday. Get a grip.

If caring for other people makes me a whore then shove the lamp post up my ass and give me some black fishnet stockings and some cheap perfume because if you truly know me you’ll know I’m the best friend you will ever have. If I tell you that I love you (in the chocolate chip kinda way) and care for you, it’s not just words. It’s not just pretty poems all lined up like soldiers. I have always been the better friend in most of my friendships because I value them greatly. So finally I have a few friends that care about me enough to call me up and tell me when I’m sad that it’ll be ok. My friends are keeping me sane and positive.

I never come here and write because I want you to like me so if you don’t and something I do or say bothers you then there’s the door. Beat it. I never asked you to come. And incidentally don’t tell me I know who you are when you’re too ball less to sign your own name. Coward loser. And if any of this ever has anything to do with glenn5, all I can say is the man jumped a plane cause I was something to him you never were. “A friend.” After all I didn’t pay for the ticket, nor did I ask him to.

As for “t”. That’s up to me in the end. I like “t” and as long as “t” is a positive influence on my life, then “t” and I shall friendly be!

You aren't fucked up. You just want to be wanted... But just being wanted isn't enough in the long run, is it?

No it isn’t. It isn’t enough. Sometimes nothing is enough.

-PoeticaL

You see in all my life I've never found
What I couldn't resist, what I couldn't turn down
I could walk away from anyone I ever knew
But I can't walk away from you

-Garth Brooks

i'm no heroine
at least, not last time i checked
i'm too easy to roll over
i'm too easy to wreck
i just write about
what i should have done

-Ani Difranco
9:10 p.m. ::
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