PoeticaL
cluttering the net since 2001

majorchickenshitheadthatiam

Monday, Jun. 17, 2002
Major chicken shit…I am I am. I just can’t do it. And he has a certain point to make in here…I keep sabotaging my damn self. No one else…but me. I am my own worst enemy. I lie to fuck things up cause I think I don’t deserve them.

Him: Any last words before i delete u
Me: i think it's pretty obvious that I'm confused...dont you?
Him: i really dont know what you are
Me: well I'm telling you
Him: we have been getting along great
Me: I'm confused
Him: and now you wanna go and fuck with it
Him: Ok thats your choice
Him: I told you before you think way too fucken much
Me: I know that. But there's this big segment of shit that's been going on in my life. I don't know how to deal with it. And it's not your problem and something doesn't feel right about it cause I feel like I'm hiding things from you. You tell me how to deal with that and I will..
Him: let things be let things flow
Him: deal with your problems like you do the rest of your responsibilities.......like an adult
Me: fine....I am....but you wanted to come here.....and then that shit....would be like this giant thing that you don’t know about
Him: we settled that
Him: you said dont come i said ok
Me: ok.....so....
Me: its ok if you don't know this stuff going on here ....all I can tell you is I'm working things out....the best I can
Me: i really want things to be right and the stuff that isn't is really bugging the shit out of me
Him: what the hell does this have to do with you and i talking to each other
Me: can't tell you that unless I dump everything on you
Me: see my dilemma?
Me: what I fight with constantly
Him: sounds like your problem not mine
Me: yup
Me: I said that all along.
Me: ok...how about this?.......you forget my fucked up letter from today....can you do that?
Him: yeah
Him: did you like my response
Me: no
Me: not at all
Me: you're not the source of my pain
Me: my past is
Him: yeah
Me: I can't get the fuck rid of it
Me: and know what?
Him: no
Me: things are really quite awesome between you and I right now and i think I have this problem with not thinking I deserve that and that's just plain wrong
Him: ppl are like that thats why some ppl will never be successful because as soon as they are donig well they self sabatoge themselves
Me: well fuck that...I'm not doing that to myself
Me: and you....you calling me asking me for my fax number.......that was.....kinda cute
Him: return to sender
Him: im going to lay down
Me: k
Me: we cool?
Him: ya
Me: come smack me
Me: I need it
Him: no more shit ok
Him: just let things be
Me: k
Him: good
Me: go lay down
Him signed off at 7:30:10 PM.

No more shit? Um….is “hey..I moved back with husband” …is that some shit or what?
7:37 p.m. ::
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