PoeticaL
cluttering the net since 2001

much needed

Wednesday, Mar. 30, 2005
Ok stop the presses

I just spoke to my ex-husband at great length. The conversation took about 45 minutes and this is amazing since we usually can’t go past 5 minutes at a clip. I called him and get this, I apologized to him. The conversation went something like this.

Me: “I realize that there’s a lot of anger I have towards you regarding other issues in our past but that those issues have nothing to do with the current world and or our son. The idea that you are not providing our son with proper medical coverage threw me over the edge and it probably had little to do with the problem at hand. I have decided to add him to my insurance. He lives with you and you take him to school every day and you’re providing for him somehow while I’m attending school and I realize that you do a lot so I feel that I’m going to provide this. I also owe you an apology for freaking out on you like that. I know I’m not doing everything some people think I should be doing as this kid’s mother”

Him: “You don’t have to add him, I called Blue Cross and I’m going to get a policy through them, but it might take some time to do that. But if you want to get it for him yourself then he’ll be doubly covered and I’m sure that’s ok too. This way you know he’s covered regardless of what’s going on with my end of things. That’s up to you. I owe you an apology too and I accept your apology too. I think you need to realize that everything that happened between us is not entirely our fault. We were different people back then and things happened and we probably weren’t the right people for each other at that time. I do support you Kristy, I do understand what it is that you’re trying to do and you’re crazy not to do it. No one said it was going to be easy to go to college.”

At this point embarrassingly enough I started to cry…I told him I was guilt ridden at times for what I cannot do because of the choices I have made to get an education and take advantage of the opportunities that life has recently afforded me.

Him: “Just keep doing what you’re doing, I get it, “Bucky” gets it. We both get it.

Me: “But you’re freaking wife says the worst things about how she doesn’t want to take care of him and how it’s somehow my fault.”

Him: “She shouldn’t say those things…she doesn’t get it. I get it, he gets it, you get it….that’s all that matters….that his parents both know and he knows, no one else’s opinion matters Kristy.”

Me: “Why do you let her say those things in front of him?”

Him: “just like you and I say mean things to each other sometimes people say mean shitty things without realizing what they are doing.”

Me: “I always wonder if I’m doing the right thing because it’s stressful and because I don’t have him with me like I would ultimately want.”

Him: “But from what he tells me about his time with you, you give him your undivided attention and you have explained everything to him. He’s proud of you. You know that right?”

*pause where no one’s saying anything*

Him: “kristy?”

Me: “yah?”

Him: “I’m proud of you too…you deserve to be happy..you know that right?”

Me: “I’m not happy about all the sacrifices…”

Him: “You’re teaching your son that you have to make sacrifices if you want things in life.”

Me: “Why do you think I bought a new car?”

Him: “uh…because everything that happened during our marriage fucked up your credit and you want to buy a house again someday and need to re-establish your credit?”

Me: “yah…I was just checking. You know I want to have a house and I want him to have his own bedroom. He asked me how I could afford a new car like that and I told him it was from working two jobs to get what you want in life.”

Him: “what does Rick think about all of this?”

Me: “I talked to him last night briefly about all of it and he says I’m crazy if I quit school right now and that I need to stick it out. You should also know that he defends you when I talk total shit about you. He reminds me of just how shitty some father’s are to their kids and that just because you don’t do things the way I would do them doesn’t mean they’re all that bad.”

Him: “I talk shit about you too Kristy, sometimes I’m pissed and I say mean things that I don’t mean. Tell Rick I appreciate him defending me like that. (he was laughing here)”

Me: “Yah well you’re still a dick for things you did in the past, but I’m working on letting go of those things.”

Him: “Good…you deserve to be happy.”

*silence again*

Me: “Thanks…I know that…it’s just hard to balance it all.”

Him: “It’ll all work out soon enough.”

Me:” “there are people that say I’m a suckass mother because of all of this..”

Him: “There are people that will say anything because they just want to be mean. How many times have I ever told you “FUCK what other people THINK” ?

Me: “Ok I gotta go back to work….thanks….for talking to me about all of this.”

Him: “anytime….just keep going to school, it’ll work out in the end.”

Me: “yah ok, tell him I’ll call him later tonight. Bye.”

Him: “ok, I’ll talk to you later.”

:thanks to boxx9000 for unknowingly influencing me....
2:05 p.m. ::
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