cluttering the net since 2001

nightly swim

Tuesday, Sept. 16, 2003
Tonight I went to class and came home sleepy and dragging and feeling ugly. I know I’m not the only woman who ever has an “ugly feeling day”. A day when you think you aren’t at all pretty, a day when your every move towards feeling completely and wholly womanly and sexy is a waste of time. A bad hair day is one thing; I’m not talking about one of those. I’m talking about a “MAN I FEEL LIKE DOG TODAY” day. A day when you just feel like you gotta look like total kaka.

I was having one of those days today. I wore a dress that’s blah, and my two-day-old braids were dragging some fuzzy headed moss looking stuff. I was just feeling like a day old submarine sandwich with some moldy slapped on mayonnaise.

When I got home from class I saw this old lady from my apartment complex taking her nightly dip in the pool. I yanked off my sweaty clothes (it is still mucho hot here in sauna land) and I pulled on my tank suit and I went down for a swim. I don’t know how it happened, wait…yes I do….she’s a nice lady and she’s so easy to be around and she’s like the grandmother I wish I had. The matronly person I long for… We started to speak. First about makeup whereby she told me my face was naturally pretty and I didn’t need makeup at all to be pretty. Then about my son whereby she told me I had my priorities straight and my head screwed on tight when it came to him. (she also mentioned how happy he is when he’s with me at the pool or outside…how he holds my hand and leans against me and wants to naturally be close to me. The way he’s friendly and listens and is genuinely nice to strangers. She told me I loved my son fiercely and that was such a nice thing to see.

We spoke about religion as well. She’s Catholic. I was raised Catholic. She told me to go back to a Catholic church. She said it would be good for me. I said I would. I told her about how Bucky thinks Catholic churches look so much prettier than any other church. I think that this weekend I’m going to take him to a Catholic service and explain it to him as well.

We talked about Rick and how he has the same name as my father. We talked about how he doesn’t try to father my child but rather be his friend on his terms. We talked about my little Chloe doggie and how cute she is. We talked about my job…..and we talked about ….

And yeah so you get the point. The point is I needed just that. I walked out of that pool washed into a new woman. I wanted to hug her, instead I closed my eyes and thanked god for that hour and a half conversation. Thank you God for sending someone my way, someone that makes me proud to be a woman. Someone that renewed my faith and desire to want to go back into a Catholic church again, someone that reminded me of my roots, my morals, and my values. Someone that pointed out my good points and overlooked my flaws just long enough that I could do the same thing and stop beating myself up over things I can neither change or control.

I hope she sleeps well tonight.

Tomorrow I’m going to walk down while she’s swimming her nightly swim and give her a flower. Just because….I want to brighten her day like she did mine.

When she left she told me “you have an interesting life, but what’s most interesting about you is that you’re still so young and you already recognize that for every bad experience in life, there are wonderful rewards for endurance.”

Smart woman.
6:05 p.m. ::
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