thank you for your support

I think it�s funny that 3 people that think they have it all figured out waste their time reading about my psychopathic life. At first I was angry, then I got to thinking about it all and boyfriend is right when he says �those people are all fucked up.� Now this doesn�t insinuate that I think everyone that decides to create a diary and have a place to vent is fucked up but let me just say this�.. Justin (fulltilt on diaryland) gives off this vibe like he�s the picture of perfection, but fails to tell people the truth about his life or mention real and serious issues at all. Like�what about the fact that according to unmentionable sources, he�s battled cancer and beat it. He also used to write a ton of stuff about his very cute daughter, then love struck and wham�.it was as if she disappeared and now his future wife writes all the stuff about his daughter. Hmmm� Do I think I know that since the girl arrived the little girl took the back burner, of course I don�t know that to be true. But if I went by only what was written there, that�s what I would think.

Shelley, (oxeia on diaryland) now there�s a girl that takes great interest in my life, but I would venture to guess that if I were in the same room with her, she�d sit there picking at a hang nail planning out which black tank top she was going to put on the next day while her daughter read some scholastically recommended book upside down or something. Is this statement I just made true? Probably not. Just my take on a girl that has a diary and writes nothing in there basically. A girl who acts as if she hasn�t a problem in the world, and has chosen to stay home and let her man provide. Nothing wrong with the latter either�.just we don�t all have that luxury and some of us are worried about making it to work on time, leaving our personal life at home etc. Now as much as I don�t know what she does with her days, she doesn�t know what I do with my days at work either. There�s no way she could possibly know more than what I write about now can she?

Can�t forget to mention Greg, the mostly silent sidekick of Shelley who used to have a diary and probably stopped writing there because he couldn�t tell anyone what he really thinks of his wife anyways. I think he only speaks up when she threatens to make fried chicken yet again for dinner if he doesn�t jump on her bandwagon, or perhaps he only speaks when his friend Justin sends him my diary link in his email. He can�t possibly be a terrible guy because he is providing for a child that�s not biologically his, and he does have a job and lord knows all those degrees which garner him jobs that last all of a year or so. But I have nothing against him, in fact I find it interesting at best that he finds my diary interesting.

Now, lets just say I�m a psychopathic person who writes left-sided one day and right-sided the next day, I say one thing in one paragraph and another in the next paragraph, I say I hate my ex in one breath and I sympathize with his inability to get it together in the next breath, is this all not normal things we all do. We talk shit when we�re at the height of our anger, and then as it subsides and we think clearly (by the way why do you think I�m on Zoloft you idiot�) we put things into perspective and clearly state what we know is logical and therefore no longer emotionally driven.

I write it all. I won�t tell you I�m flying abroad and that I�m buying new computer equipment, I won�t paint a picture of perfection and leave out the shitty days and moments. I write about what�s on my mind and what I feel on any given day. Fuck wouldn�t it be far more interesting if everyone just did that all the time?

I might be fucked up sometimes, hell I probably am. But does it make you 3 feel normal somehow to point it out to me constantly. Is it a matter of saying �ahhh that girls all fucked up and so therefore look how normal we must be.� If its just pure entertainment, then perhaps I should start a site you have to pay for. Now�there�that�s an idea. The 3 of you wouldn�t pay and voila�problem solved.

Now�to show what a decent and fair person I am. I have the following things to say.

Justin, you obviously have enough love for your child to take very good care of her, after all she has a matching outfit in every picture you post, not that you�ve posted many since someone else entered your life, but the matching outfits�I�ll give you kudo�s for that.

Shelly, kudo�s to you for being a stay at home mom. I can just picture you matching up socks, cleaning behind the furniture and jamming out to free mp3�s all day while your child is in school. But if you do, and I can only assume you do�you never say�, put your child first then any mother should get points for that. Of course, minus points for that �product of rape� comment long ago. I don�t know if that�s true or not and it really matters not, a child is a gift regardless, but booooo hissss to you for having ever said those words in reference to your own daughter.

Finally to Greg, I have much pity for you, her for a wife, and him for a friend, I do believe however that someone gifted you with some awesome parents for you to have so many pieces of paper framed on your walls praising your intellectual genius. Too bad there�s not a college of psycho-diary-therapy. I would give you a piece of paper to display for your mad skills.

Please email me about my paypal account I�ve established for my costly psychiatrist bills. I appreciate your continued support. ;-)

-PoeticaL