cluttering the net since 2001

I want you to want me

Monday, Jan. 14, 2002
Last night he and I were chatting (what else is new eh?) and he was telling me that he can’t date a girl that smokes. This led to a discussion about that checklist we all have in our heads about what we look for in a prospective mate. Here was his list, which I have to say somehow got typed into the screen quite quickly for a bad typist. So I know he typed out what was really up there and didn’t try to make anything up. His checklist was……

“1. brunettes score higher
2. smart
3. can think with her own brain
4. shares multiple interests of mine
5. listens to country music
6. honest
7. easy going
8. average body
9. long hair is a plus
10. not controlling
11. gives good head
12. minimal cooking abilities
13. has hobbies, not lazy
14. can balance her own checkbook
15. when i say double click the mouse she clicks only one button
Thats not too much to ask for…..”

He then told me I was missing 3 out of the 15, but wouldn’t tell me which 3. My guess of what he thinks they are would be 6,8,10 since he’s asked me about 11 and 14. But fuck 12/15 is 80%, that’s pretty damn close to perfection in his mind. Oh man…the fact that I’m even thinking about this or talking about this is rather sickening.

This was my basic list right off the top of my head….

1. knows what the word aspiration means
2. is my friend first
3. takes an interest in what I do
4. clean and neat appearance (nice hair is a plus)
5. reads books, knows how to read!
6. can write and express himself with words
7. good kisser
8. values family/friends
9. doesn’t push me away as an answer to problems
10. someone who is responsible
11. artistically talented somehow
12. someone that won’t put me down for writing
13. someone that works with me not against me

Incidentally he is missing #9 and a few are still questionable. He can write some awesome lyrics, but that punctuation makes me wince!

All of this checklist talk makes me wonder if all people have that mental checklist for this. I know I do. The ones I told him were right off the top of my head and I think more based on the moment. I think over all I want 3 things.

1. someone who doesn’t play games
2. someone who is artistic and deep thinking
3. someone that fascinates me more than he bores me

“He” fascinates me. He truly does. I never know how he’s going to react to things and I love that. If I knew I would be bored. I can’t quite figure out whether he plays games with me or whether I’m not just in a confused state of mind recently. I know he is artistic and he is a deep thinker. He told me Friday night he is a “communicator”. He and I talked on the phone for 3 hours and I asked him if it would be “like” that in real life or if we would both end up unable to talk to each other, or if we would dismiss it in importance if we were together. He said “Yes we would talk like this.... I’m a communicator…if I don’t have that then I end the relationship because then you have nothing.”

After I made that first list I went down the list in reference to husband…..and here’s what I got…

1. NO, he’s trudging along doing the same thing
2. NO, friends don’t do the stuff he did
3. NO only feigns interest in front of other people
4. he’s clean…not neat…hair? where?
5. reads books, knows how to read! – YES he can do this…
6. NO he can’t express himself
7. uh…can’t remember how he kisses…how bad is that?
8. I can’t believe he values our family…NO
9. NO – his answer is push everyone away
10. NO NO NO NO…he’s not responsible….I can’t say NO enough
11. Yes he can draw….does he?…every once in awhile for Bucky’s benefit and not because he’s driven to be artistic.
12. Someone that won’t put me down for writing – does thinking a poem about a sunrise is about an orgasm count?
13. Oh forget it….

Why do I do this comparison shit when I know with all my heart they don’t compare whatsoever? Because right now they are both huge parts of my life. Its only natural maybe…or maybe I’m just fucked.

I know that I heard the lyrics on todays entry and thought “oh…fuck that entire list…that’s all I really want…cheap trick had it all figured out!


I want you to want me
I need you to need me
I'd love you to love me
I'm beggin' you to beg me
I want you to want me
l need you to need me
I'd love you to love me
I'll shine up my old brown shoes
I'll put on a brand new shirt
I'll come home early from work
If you say that you love me
-Cheap Trick
9:23 a.m. ::
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