god intended..
Thursday, Apr. 10, 2003
Tuesday night Bucky came over all night. Bucky is having a hard time with all of the changes in his life. I think it�s all catching up to him. It�s got to be hard for him to have all these new people shoved into his life when it used to be that his world was like a snow globe and there was just Daddy and Mommy and they both knew everything about him. Now there�s an outside force shaking up his little globe. He ended up crying, his feelings hurt, I ended up holding him, his tears soaking through my shirt. I love that little boy more than life and I can�t fix his hurt�s anymore like I used to.
Earlier in the evening Randy took him swimming while Rick and I made pork chops, mashed potatoes and corn on the cob for dinner. He brought his flippers and his goggles, he was all decked out in his swim trunks already. My son should have a fin on his back he�s such a good swimmer, and he loves it to death. Swimming, rollerblading and tae kwon do, he loves those things. Randy was wrestling around with him on the floor and I got the distinct feeling that Bucky wasn�t comfortable with this because I can bet that his father is the only person that�s ever done this sort of thing with him. Randy tries so hard to be kewl with Bucky, but for some reason I always sense a certain amount of tension there.
Rick on the other hand always gives Bucky space and time and doesn�t try ever to get all in his face and he never touches him or tries to wrestle around with him. I think kids need time to get to know a person truly. I know Randy�s trying to be good to my kid, and for that I�m thankful, I just think my son is sometimes sensitive, going through a lot and I tend to think it�s too much too soon.
I think God intended two parents to raise a child together, there were amazing and real reasons for this plan. Any other way is twice as challenging. I talked to his Dad just now about things that occurred the other night, and he and I are on the same page when it comes to our son and who he is. We are the only two people in the world that were there for his entire life. It�s gut-wrenching to know that however I deal with my son from this point on he�s at a disadvantage because he�s not living solely with his own parents. But thank god I can talk to ex about my son. It�s unfortunate that we could never be on the same page where anything else is concerned.
I know Rick is going to read this and think I want to be with my ex. That�s not it. It�s so over its beyond that. This is about realizing that the job of raising my son is compounded by the fact that there are now other people involved in his life. This of course adds stress and complexity to things. It�s just all new.
Lastly�if you know someone that snores, don�t complain to them, its involuntary and there�s nothing they can do about it. IF they could, they would! Doh! :-)
Oops�one other thing. I�m very happy with the way that Rick is towards Bucky, he�s friendly without being overbearing and he�s doing everything right. It�s just a tough thing for any child to adjust to.
-PoeticaL
