cluttering the net since 2001

i prayed...

Tuesday, Sept. 10, 2002

I read your diary last night. I read your words elsewhere. I felt my heart crack wide open. I donít have any answers and my words canít fix a damn thing. I could rape the alphabet all day and beg the nouns to pronounce peace and relief. But I canít fix a damn thing. I want to do something and thereís nothing I can think to do. I paced around for hours last night, trying to find answers. Sometimes there are just none.

Sometimes you have to lose everything to start over. Sometimes you have to crash and burn to find the light again. Sometimes it all has to go to hell for you to get a ticket to a little piece of heaven someday. I know that you canít beg someone to love you. You canít make someone stay. If they donít want to be there, they arenít really there anyway. I have felt every emotion that I imagine you are feeling now.

I know itís easy to write a thousand words and I could write you a thousand poems with a million verbs. But the fuck of it all is that I canít do anything that can fix a damn thing right now for you. It breaks my heart.

I paced, I cried. I pretended everything would be ok. And then I realized that sometimes everything just isnít ok, I prayed, I begged, I did the only thing I could. I asked GodÖto guide youÖbe with you right now, because I just wish I couldÖ

10:24 a.m. ::
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