nightly swim
Tuesday, Sept. 16, 2003
Tonight I went to class and came home sleepy and dragging and feeling ugly. I know I�m not the only woman who ever has an �ugly feeling day�. A day when you think you aren�t at all pretty, a day when your every move towards feeling completely and wholly womanly and sexy is a waste of time. A bad hair day is one thing; I�m not talking about one of those. I�m talking about a �MAN I FEEL LIKE DOG TODAY� day. A day when you just feel like you gotta look like total kaka.
I was having one of those days today. I wore a dress that�s blah, and my two-day-old braids were dragging some fuzzy headed moss looking stuff. I was just feeling like a day old submarine sandwich with some moldy slapped on mayonnaise.
When I got home from class I saw this old lady from my apartment complex taking her nightly dip in the pool. I yanked off my sweaty clothes (it is still mucho hot here in sauna land) and I pulled on my tank suit and I went down for a swim. I don�t know how it happened, wait�yes I do�.she�s a nice lady and she�s so easy to be around and she�s like the grandmother I wish I had. The matronly person I long for� We started to speak. First about makeup whereby she told me my face was naturally pretty and I didn�t need makeup at all to be pretty. Then about my son whereby she told me I had my priorities straight and my head screwed on tight when it came to him. (she also mentioned how happy he is when he�s with me at the pool or outside�how he holds my hand and leans against me and wants to naturally be close to me. The way he�s friendly and listens and is genuinely nice to strangers. She told me I loved my son fiercely and that was such a nice thing to see.
We spoke about religion as well. She�s Catholic. I was raised Catholic. She told me to go back to a Catholic church. She said it would be good for me. I said I would. I told her about how Bucky thinks Catholic churches look so much prettier than any other church. I think that this weekend I�m going to take him to a Catholic service and explain it to him as well.
We talked about Rick and how he has the same name as my father. We talked about how he doesn�t try to father my child but rather be his friend on his terms. We talked about my little Chloe doggie and how cute she is. We talked about my job�..and we talked about �.
And yeah so you get the point. The point is I needed just that. I walked out of that pool washed into a new woman. I wanted to hug her, instead I closed my eyes and thanked god for that hour and a half conversation. Thank you God for sending someone my way, someone that makes me proud to be a woman. Someone that renewed my faith and desire to want to go back into a Catholic church again, someone that reminded me of my roots, my morals, and my values. Someone that pointed out my good points and overlooked my flaws just long enough that I could do the same thing and stop beating myself up over things I can neither change or control.
I hope she sleeps well tonight.
Tomorrow I�m going to walk down while she�s swimming her nightly swim and give her a flower. Just because�.I want to brighten her day like she did mine.
When she left she told me �you have an interesting life, but what�s most interesting about you is that you�re still so young and you already recognize that for every bad experience in life, there are wonderful rewards for endurance.�
Smart woman.
-PoeticaL
