ahhh me head hurts....thinking
T: ok i see....I got messages in limbo right
now
Me: weird
Me: our connection gets weird sometimes
Me: its never like that with anyone else
T: ok
T: back
Me: kewl
Me: wb
Me: now did you see what I said
T: that you
Me: I"d rather be here than anywhere else!
T: yep..
Me: read it a couple times
T: it all pops up at once
Me: yeah I realize
Me: we have a shit connection
T: ok
Me: I'm sorry
T: lol
T: sure blame the IT guy
Me: lol
T:
Me: lol
Me: a cute icon won't redeem you
T: Hey you know the First of August is coming
up!
Me: and what is that?
T: hello?
Me: I'm right here
T: it is like the fourth of july...
Me: what is August 1st
Me: it is?
Me: how come?
T: and the 5th of may!
Me: what is the 5th of May?
T: Sinco De Mayo
Me: ohhhhhhhhhh I see
Me: party eh?
T: Not really..but whay not have a holiday on
the 1st..
T: then everyone can have a day off of work
and sit around eating burnt hotdogs and hamburgers
T:
Me: teeheeeee
T: I try to invent holidays sometimes...
Me: you're so cute
T: I guess I am weird is all
Me: that helps
Me: stop saying that to me
Me: you're not weird
Me: you just like to have fun
Me: spice things up
T: ok...I guess I am Strange sometimes?
Me: stop it
T: better?
Me: grrrrrr
Me: *smack* *smack*
Me: see what you made me do?
T: I had better not write the joke I was
going to throw int
Me: lol
Me: write it
T: naw the moment is lost
Me: phooey
Me: that's no fair
Me: =(
T: messages in limbo
T: ok..
Me: sowwy
T: I was going to say..
Me: yes?
T: "whip me, beat me, make me feel cheap"...
T: but like I said the moment is lost
Me: teeheeee
Me: lol
Me: T???.......
T: Kristy?
T: yes?
Me: i like you
Me: when will you figure it out?
Me: if I tell you every single day
Me: will you believe me?
T: i like you
T: I believe you...
T: but you have to admit...
T: I have a warped sense of humor sometimes
Me: yeah sometimes
Me: so what
Me: its kewl
T:
Me: it makes me laugh
Me: with you not at you
T: ...
T: I did have another one liner to throw
in...but once again the moment is lost
Me: awwww man
Me: the price you pay for slow net
T: LOL
T: Yep...
T: oh-well
Me: so how was your day
Me: ?
T: Today or yesterday?
Me: i suppose that woudl mean yesterady
Me: yesterady
Me: argh
T: Hot..
Me: i can't type when I think about certain
things
T: couldn't hardly sleep last night
T: was up to nearly 2200 zulu
Me: wow
T: what are you thinking about
Me: lol
Me: nothing
T: nothing...?
T: what kind of nothing?
Me: just
Me: nothing
Me: lol
Me: i'm trying to get a visual
Me: like
Me: are you sitting
Me: leaning back
Me: just trying to get some picture in my mind
Me: stupid
T: see....you are thinking about something..
T: I kew this...
T: because I think about nothing all the tiem
Me: how did you know this?
Me: lol
Me: lol
T: and usually...I am thinking about
something..
T: but can't explain it....
T: but is not really that important though
Me: lol
Me: I think big important things
Me: like what color does you have on?
T: I guess I am a little....errr...mmmm.
...ahh..normal that way
Me: like is he smiling....I want him to be
smiling
T: yes
T: DCU
Me: DCU?
T: Desert Comoflgue Uniform
Me: sexy
Me: lol
T: army brown T-shirt
T: Desert Combat Boot
Me: stop stop...you'll get me all worked up
T: and a thong
Me: hahahahaha
T: just kidding about the thoung
Me: i know
Me: that's not up to code
T: what are you wearing?
T: oh...iam sorry..
T: that was a cyber pig question
Me: lol
Me: ok I'll be honest
Me: I have on a orange shirt with buttons at
the collar , white stripe around the collar and a pair
of Joe Boxer panties and that's it
Me: my hair all up in a goonie pony tail
Me: cross legged like an Indian on my chair
T: sure...get me all worked up..
T: how come I cbe joe boxer?'t an
Me: oh I have a bra on too
Me: I like joe boxer
Me: he's happy
Me: but this is the only pair I have
T: lol
T: I don't know joe
Me: I got them on sale somewhere
Me: I don't pay tons for him
Me: he's a smiley face thats all
Me: like this ��
T: lol
T: ok I have seen him around
Me: probably
Me: ok I have something to show you
T: ok
Me: I worked on this tonight and I still
haven't fixed a few glitches
Me: but I wanted to show you what i decided to
do
T: ok
Me: I have had this url and did a few things
with it
T: ...
Me: nothing major or that I liked
Me: but......
Me: well...
Me: did this for you
T: shoot
Me: cause of you....for
you...um....well...yeah so....here
T:
Me:
http://bleedingink.diaryland.com/meeting.html
T: trying to go there now
Me: ok
T: its loading...
Me: ok
T: and loading...
Me: by tomorrow you'll see it
T: and loading..
Me: lol
T: and loading...
T: and loading...
T: and still loading...
Me: HAHAHAHAHA
Me: ...how funny
T: it has aobut 30% loaded now
Me: hahaha
T: and loading...
T: oh...I see words!
T: and done!
Me: teeheee
T: That is really good!
T: thank you
Me: you're welcome
T: nobody has ever done somthing like that
before
Me: something like what?
T: wrote poems....
T: And see....
Me: well...the first one...PoeticaL... I wrote
that ages ago..it's like my signature piece
T: oh ok
Me: but.....Meeting
Me: I wrote for YOU
T: so you can do HTML script
Me: some yeah
Me: I can't do tables
T: yet
Me: I steal those from people who can
Me: right
Me: someday
Me: I want to go into web design.. I want to
be able to do what I have in my mind
T: see I don't have clue one about HTML
script
Me: its far more creative than what I see
Me: I just can't do it because I don't have
the skills
T: not yet...right
T: but practice makes perfect
Me: I want to go to a tech school
Me: just can't figure out how to get the money
to go with such a mess on my credit
T: I went to one for a couple of years
Me: trust me you'll get sick of poetry
Me: everyone around me does
T: studied Electro-Mechanical Engineering and
Technical Drafting
T: I I would not get sick of Poetry
Me: sure you will
Me: eventually
Me: I think this turned out really nice
T: yes it did...
T: and eventually...
T: monkies might fly out my butt...but I
doubt it
Me: lol
Me: but see...
Me: I think some people fall for my poetry and
not for ME
Me: I know that it's partly one and the same
Me: but it's not the same
T: true..
Me: I just
Me: I have a thought and I sit down and write
it out in a different sort of way
Me: to me all my stuff is the same but other
people say it's not
Me: who knows
T: it is not all the same..but..
T: can you hold on a sec..I have been drinking
too much water today
Me: sure go ahead
T: ok?
Me: yes
T: no tinkle poems while i am gone ok?
T: :-)
Me: lol
Me: ok
T: back
Me: yeahhhhhhhhhh
Me: ok so that was kewl tonight
Me: I like to do stuff like that and feel like
I did something
T: what was cool
Me: doing that diary thing
Me: I did that all tonight
Me: about 2 hours
T: oh ok..
T: that is cool
Me: the big thing is hosting your own images
Me: you can link to other peoples hosting
Me: and basically steal their image
Me: but if they delete it your screwed
T: yep..
T: but like I said...I haven't learned HTML
...YET
Me: teehee
Me: neither have I
Me: I'm a creative theif
T: but from what I have seen it is a lot like
C++
Me: I have another diary and I messed with it
for a year and learned stuff
Me: like watch this
T: <----watches intently
Me: do you know how to view source on a page?
T: maybe
Me: right click on the screen anywhere
T: view--->source
Me: not on an image though
Me: yeahhhhhhhh
Me: you know
Me: doh
Me: you act stupid
Me: but you're not
T: it is not an act
T: :-)
Me: hahahah
Me: yes it IS
T: no its not
Me: I'm gonna show you what I learned how to
do today
Me: purely based on desire
T: ooo she said "desire"
Me: lol
T:
Me: now just so you know
Me: i'm still learning
Me: I can't do the tables thing yet
T: ok
T: are you using Front Page?
Me: nope
Me: go look again
Me: http://bleedingink.diaryland.com/
Me: yeah i know
Me: you'll see it tomorrow
T: I see pictures
Me: sending you a big hug?
T: DONE!
T: yep I see it
Me: I put that in my other diary and said
"awwww look what T sent me"
T: cool
Me: I got 15 emails "who's T?" "who's T?"
Me: I have a diary I haven't shown you
Me: but if I talk about you there it's totally
generic
T: you said the guy in Afgahnastan....
who can't be there because I have internet
Me: lol
Me: nope I didn't say that
T: LOL
Me: I said "someone bought a poetry book off
of my wishlist and I don't know but...I have this
cheesy feeling"
T: LOL
T: why do you think that?
Me: because amazon tells you what's been
bought off of your list and no ones ever bought
anything off of my list
T: :-)
Me: but you see if i add another image it
makes my diary all cockeyed and strange
Me: I don't know that html part yet
Me: lol
T: errr..maybe....errr..umm it was someone
else?
Me: er.....never know
T: yeah that must have been it...
Me: I'm takin the hug off of there
Me: he's on my other diary though
Me: I drive people nuts
T: But I have written some HTML using Front
Prage
Me: they can't keep up
T: I try though
Me: for about 3 weeks I talked to this guy
named Tim
Me: from TN
Me: he had to drive through FL
Me: I met up with him
Me: he was apparently all about painting a
picture in hopes of a good time
T: and?
Me: I'm about to say something that's gonna
make me sound like a slut but here goes
Me: if a guy just wants to get laid why not
say that. If I'm going to sleep with a person I'm
gonna do it cause I want to not cause of them leading
me into thinking it's all something more. Why play
games? I'm not 15. I'm an adult. He played games.
Me: Nothing happened. But he sure tried.
T: why does that make you sound like a slut?
Me: oh yeah I forgot I'm talking to Zuess
Me: lol
Me: i'm just saying
T: LOL
Me: I"m not a prude
Me: but I also don't sleep around
T: nothing wrong with that...
Me: but if I liked a person I woudn't sit
there and say "ok now are you gonna pay half my bills
and buy me flowers for life cause if not I can't take
my pants off"
T: LOL
Me: that's just stupid
T: yep..
T: and it sounds like a gold digger
Me: I also don't just crawl into bed with
someone I just met.
Me: although I did it once
Me: and dont' regret it
Me: it all depends on an exact situation
T: true..true
Me: so what I'm trying to say here is
Me: if he wanted to come here and hang out and
just fuck and go home why not just say that ?
T: LOL...
T: because of the Y chromosome
Me: well ok maybe because most girls are gonna
get pissed and you'll never get anywhere
Me: but he came here....tried...I laughed at
his game playing
Me: and he went home
Me: if I called him he'd answer and say "can
you call me back later?"
Me: I'd call later and he'd never answer his
phone
Me: whatever
Me: I did that twice and forgot about him
Me: I don't need that stupid shit
T: good girl!
Me: so today when I said "t sent me a hug"
Me: everyone's like 'fuck him...don't talk to
him again!!!"
Me: lol
Me: I'm all like woahhhh woah.....
Me: not Tim..... I said "T"
T: Oh....ok
Me: so I had to add you to my cast of
characters
Me: its called cast away
T: LOL
T: ..Life is but a stage right
Me: lol
Me: well here's what I wrote and added
Me: T - T is a relatively newfound friend, but
someone that treats me with major amounts of respect.
He's currently stationed in Afghanistan serving our
country. (Yes we are at war.) He's got the sweetest
disposition and the kindest heart and I like him a
great deal. He makes me laugh and is just plain fun to
talk with.
T:
Me: and Tim...
T: <---feels his face warm as he begins to
blush
Me: Tim - Tim is a guy I met from online. He
was a dissapointment and rarely mentioned but he is in
the archives somewhere and responsible for
dissapointment in large doses. I learned a good lesson
from that chapter.
T: yep..
Me: I shoulda said 'TIM SUCKS"
Me: lookie
T: so now I know to never pass through FL to
do a "painting"
Me: for my son
Me: lol
Me: lol
T: ok
Me: a painting?
T: moment
Me: hmmm
Me: I wouldn't say that
Me: just tell me that's what it is and that
when you leave you leave and that's that
Me: don't fuck with my head and tell me to
call you when you don't really want me to
T: true
T: Ok I see where my confusion was.
Me: lol
Me: ok
Me: my son
Me: ��Bucky�� �V is my 9 year old son. He��s a
very artsy child. He draws and writes too. He��s
sensitve and loving and just plain funny. He��s got
light brown hair and Frank Sinatra blue eyes. He
claims he wants to be a famous singer someday.
Whatever he does I know now it will be amazing. He��s
my reason to strive to be a better person�K.always.
Bucky is his nickname, not his real name.
T: so you got these for every Character in
your life?
Me: uh...*shrugs*
Me: sorta
T: lol....
T: that is so cute
Me: mr NC
Me: ��him/�him��� �V �him� is ��him��. �him� and I met
online 3 years ago when he was singing a song and I
asked him if he wrote it himself. (he did) He taught
me most of what I know about html and helped me with
my main website Poetical Musings. He gave me a writing
course for my birthday once and generally guided me in
the right direction with a lot of issues. For the most
recent year and a half he and I talked seriously about
being together. It didn��t work out. I have mixed
feelings. We will probably always be friends and I
will probably always rub at scars trying to heal. We
have a link that nothing seems to break. A tie that
has a lot of knots.
T:
Me: �him�'s I dunno....
T: even your descriptions read like poetry
Me: I said a few things to him about you and
he was all like "I gotta go"
Me: I was like "see ya bye"
Me: mr "lets be friends" wants to be the only
friend and do nothing in return
T: stupid...
T: some times I am assamed to be male
T: ashamed
Me: he doesn't want to be with me but he
doesn't want me talking about anyone else
Me: I had said "I found someone cool"
Me: he said "at the pound?"
Me: I said "no that's where you find girls to
talk to if they don't talk to you first like I did"
Me: lots of animosity going on there
T: I am a bit comfused about the pound?
Me: me too
Me: he keeps telling me it's a waste to talk
to anyone online
Me: cause he said "what are you gonna do
....go hang out in afganistan and check out a movie?"
T: since when is making friends a waste of
time
Me: well consider the source
T: true
Me: hes talked to me for 3 1/2 years and yet
he can't put forth any effort because he "doesn't know
someone that he's never even sat in the same room
with!"
T: true...where in NC is he from
Me: wil�K.
Me: he's from ND
Me: but lives there now
Me: get this
T: what
Me: he met some girl online 5 years ago, quit
his job and moved to W from ND and she tried
to turn him into her dead husband.
T: lol
Me: he thinks the whole world is fucked up
cause of that
Me: he thinks everyones the same
T: lol..
T: he is going to lead a lonely life then
Me: yeah
Me: I mean look at all the fucked up stuff
that's happened to me
Me: I do NOT think other men or people are
like husband was
Me: is
T: yep..
Me: that's just wrong
T: I agree
Me: he was all like "oh so you're gonna talk
to this guy for how long...never meet him and then
what?"
T: so he believes that if you talk to
somebody online....
T: then it has to more than friends?
Me: who knows
T: or that you have to meet them
Me: cause when I wanted him to come here and
meet me he backed out.....once I moved back he wanted
to come
Me: yeah he thinks you have to move forward or
say goodbye and move on
T: what ever
Me: yeah stupid
Me: but
Me: I gotta tell you
Me: it does rather suck when you fall for
someone and then you can't even meet up
Me: that bites the big one
Me: been there done that
T: yep...I know it does
Me: of course now sometimes I realize that it
costs about $149 to come here from where he is
on a plane and about $50 in gas so he's really a sad sad case
Me: how do you know it does?
T: lol
T: I have met a couple of people in my day...
Me: lol
T: thought a few things..
Me: most guys walk out of the computer and all
they are is jerks
Me: I've met more than one
Me: when husband split out
Me: and left
Me: I was talking to this guy in
Providence
Me: he was married with two kids
Me: we were just friends
Me: but he knew I was here alone with no
family
Me: and that i didn't know where my son was at
the time
Me: 26 hours after husband split out this guy
jumped a plane, calls me from the airport saying 'can you
come get me"
Me: I sorta had to
Me: he took his wedding ring off, left his
wife a letter saying "I have to go....I can't leave
her there alone right now"
Me: and here's what happened
Me: for 23 hours i bawled my eyes out all over
his shirt...all boogered up.....he felt guilty about
his wife and jumped a plane
Me: $600 and 23 hours
Me: and a pissed off wife that won't let him
breath now
Me: been there done that
Me: I gotta say he was a decent enough guy but
I was alone and he coulda been an orangatan and I'
woulda cried all over him
T: lol
Me: he got off the plane and said, "I had to
come....I wanted you to know that for once in your
life you were not alone and that someone would care
about you again"
T: that was sweet
Me: and it was a very sweet gesture, I am
grateful that he did it cause I believe it's the
reason I didn't lose it
T: of him
Me: of course his wife thinks we just had sex
a go'zillion times in 23 hours and fact is I never
even kissed the guy
Me: I just cried 23 hours straight about my
son
T: lol
Me: we laid on the beach, him saying wow the
sky..me crying..him saying "wow you have a lot of
snot"
T: lol
Me: it wasn't what his wife thinks
Me: she called me a lot after that asking me
what happened
T: that is silly
Me: I said 1. i was all fucked up..my kid was
missing... 2. nothing but me crying
Me: she didn't believe me
Me: so one day I said , "1. if I were you I
woudn't fuck that...he's so small.
Me: she said , "I know"
Me: and she never called me again
Me: go figure
T: LOL
Me: before the last 3 years I was a pretty
typical girl
Me: doing the married with kid thing
Me: I never cheated
Me: never did anything
Me: then he did what he did and all hell broke
lose
Me: i pretty much went through this phase of
not caring about anything
T: sounds like I need to send you another hug
Me: teeheee
Me: nah
Me: I'm ok
Me: realy I am
Me: what's odd now
Me: that guy
Me: his best friend that knew what was going
on
Me: he reads my daily diary
Me: found it somehow
Me: comments
Me: its all odd
Me: life is odd
Me: i know two things
Me: 1. I don't want to fall for you
Me: 2. I'm having a hard damn time not doing
just that
T: there are a couple of things I need to
tell you then...
T: hello?
Me: I'm here
Me: waiting for the bomb sentence to go off
T: just checking..
T: I don't want you to fall for me...because
T: I don't consider myself a ....
T: good? person..
Me: you care to tell me why?
T: Me: you care to tell me why? can you
expand a little more?
Me: why are you not a good person
Me: because you THINK you're not
Me: or because you have proof
T: because I know I am not...
T: I am probably one of the nicest guys
around...
T: but I go out and do stupid stuff all the
time
T: oh i don't know
Me: ok
Me: i'm gonna make this easy
T: it is one of those things
Me: cause I can't do this anymore
T: can't do what?
Me: this
Me: this what we're doing
Me: this
T: ?
Me: I don't need to ride anymore emotional
roller coasters.
Me: I don't need you to be nice to me and make
me feel happy all over just so you can then tell me
you're not good enough.
Me: i don't need any of this
T: ok?
Me: what?
T: but should I tell you that I am a knight
in shining armor?
Me: I dont' want that
Me: and if you think I want perfection from
someone I don't
Me: that's an impossiblity
T: and I am far from perfect
Me: ok then
T: I just don't want to be another sour
chapter..does that make sense...because I really do
enjoy chatting with you...
T: and..
T: did I ever tell you that it is hard for me
to discuss emotional stuff?
Me: lol
Me: don't make me giggle when I"m trying to
act all tough
Me: and yes you told me
T: the thing is I don't want to hurt you...or
am i being silly
Me: I don't want to get hurt
Me: i dont' want another list on some fucked
up cast of characters
Me: maybe I want someone that matters
Me: maybe I want to matter to someone
Me: and it never happens
Me: and you didn't do anything wrong
Me: I do
Me: I always do
T: no you don't
T: there are just a lot of people out there
with fucked up mentalities
Me: i must because...look at my life
Me: look at every person I want to believe in
T: Not everyone gets delt the same hand in
life...
T: Who to say that i could not be i the
situation?
Me: well it's my situation
Me: not yours
T: I know this...
Me: just go back to what you were doing before
me
T: ?
T: i am a bit confused here
Me: join the crowd
Me: i want ....it feels like you could really
matter and you don't want to really matter and so why
do this to myself
Me: i can go back and sit in a corner
somewhere writing everything in a notebook and not
talk to anyone like I was before
T: NO NO NO
T: I want to matter....and I want it to
matter..
T: but...
T: I don't have the words to describe what I
am trying to say
T: let me try it this way...
T: when I think about not chatting with
you...
T: it is like an emptiness inside..
T: does that make any sense?
Me: yeah
Me: it does cause I think the same thing
Me: and when I think about all the stuff I
shoulda learned from everything in my past, it scares
the fuck out of me
Me: what am I doing?
Me: I ask myself that more than once in a day
Me: when I'm walking around at work doing
normal things i"m thinking somewhere in my head, "aww
how strange..he's sleeping right now"
T: :-)
Me: and then I think "this is a guy who's
never in the same place twice and saw his parents once
in 7 years...what do you really thinks gonna ever
happen"
Me: I keep trying to keep you in this
compartment nice and safe somewhere and I"m having a
hell of a time doing that
Me: then I say "wait we're not doing anything,
we're chatting..harmless..."
Me: but ...been there done that...
T: :-)
Me: why are you smiling?
Me: lol
T: same here
Me: then I go through that ugly laundry list
��he�� spouted off at me for 2 1/2 years
T: except I got the Tshirt
Me: all the "it won't work cause's"
Me: whatever
T: ok
Me: I never wanted to think like that
Me: ok what?
Me: ok it's 3:40 and you gotta go to
work in 2 hoursa
Me: and you're dong this again
Me: how about ok ....go read a
fairytale...get to "the end' and go to bed
T: don't you remember what I told you before?
T: there are no "the Ends" here
Me: yeah but I gotta go to bed
T: I know...so will you be on tomorrow?
Me: *shrugs*
T: I might not because I fly out of here then
Me: yeah I know
Me: have a safe trip
Me: say hi to the clouds for me
T: ty
T: I wish there were clouds here
Me: awww man
Me: ok listen
Me: I"m not mad at you
Me: or upset with you
T: listening
Me: I"m struggling
T: ok...I can understand that..
Me: alright...I'm gonna go to bed
T: but you should get to be now
Me: thanks for the hugs and stuff
Me: g'night
T: ok
T: ok
T: g'night
this morning I got this email�K
Kristy,
This is going to be one of the hardest things
that I ever had to do, but I feel that it is
necessary. In fact, this probably going to sound like
I am just rambling on but somewhere in there is the
message I am trying to get across.
First, you know I have issues talking about my
feelings. It all goes back to an experience that
happened oh about 15-16 years ago. I had a crush on
some girl (names and faces aren��t important) my
freshman year of High School. I told someone, who I
thought was a friend,, and the next thing I know,
rumors flying all over school. Nevertheless, that was
quite an embarrassing experience for me. Then lesson
I learned was that if people know how you feel and
what you care about then they know how and what to
hurt you with. Just a little background of why I am
the way I am is all.
I have been hurt in the past but I have also
handed out my share of pain and suffering
(metaphorically speaking). Some of it has to do with
me being a workaholic and putting my job before
friends and family, however most of it has to do with
my personality.
Once again, this is difficult for me, but I have
to tell you. I have to tell you because I am
developing feelings for you. (Maybe it scares me), I
do not know. Nevertheless, you should know this
stuff about me.
I don��t often go out looking for friends, of
course I don��t go out looking for people to sleep with
either, but I seem to find far fewer of the former
rather than the latter. And in you I seem to have
found a friend. Someone who does not judge
prematurely or hold grudges. Someone who isn��t there
just to ��have their way with me�� if that makes any
sense.
I say that I am not a good person because of my
history. Ok, here it goes�Kthe Zeus the God of Thunder
thing, well it is somewhat accurate. I have slept
with more women than I can count or even attempt to
remember. I have done and still do some things that
shock most people. Some of them I will probably not
ever tell to anyone, but if asked I might admit to.
You might be wondering what I have done that is so
terrible. I don��t know if I will tell you or not but
remember this I am not a murder, thief, rapist,
pedophiliac or any thing illegal like that.
I catch myself thinking, and I cannot believe I
am telling you this, but I catch myself thinking, that
when I get back to the states, I am going to drive to
Florida and ��hook up with you�� and paint the town. I
got this complete mental picture of how it is going to
happen. I show up, you show me a little of the city,
we go see a movie, some dinner, we both enjoy one of
the greatest experiences in our lives, and then I
would leave and attempt to keep the relationship going
from afar.
There is a reason that I did not my parents for 7
years and I am divorced, it goes back to me putting
work ahead of everything else. I would always say,
��I��ll be there next year�� depending on the mission. I
actually cost me my marriage. The phone calls at two
or three am and me running off to do something for the
Army. I make my self the most valuable member of the organization, so then when it is time for me to take leave to see the family, the unit cannot function with out me�Xor so they think. Another things is the numerous extended deployments I have to go on. Me being gone for a month, once every couple of months is hard on a relationship.
I would like to apologize for my rambling, but it
was the only way that I could put it down and remotely
hope to explain what I feel and am thinking. I am
telling you all this because I feel you have a right
to know. Because I consider you a friend and someone
that I don��t want to hurt.
I can understand if you do not want to chat after
this email. Or if we do chat it is all mundane stuff
like how was your day�K..what did you do, etc. But if
the experience feels like a ��oh I got to keep up
soldiers moral�� then forget it, because that would not
fill the void that is left.
I truly hope to hear from you soon.
T
