cluttering the net since 2001

i owe i owe..why do i owe...do you know?

Wednesday, Dec. 11, 2002
I havenít made it out of work at 5:30 as per normal yet this week. Between impromptu meetings and being detained for them, I havenít arrived home til around 7 p.m. yet this week.

Yesterday I didnít ďsound like I wanted to be thereĒ according to bossman, and then today, the very next day! I was told , ďyou should really concentrate on sales because you have the advantage over everyone because you are a girl.Ē Sexist? Perhaps, but lemme tell ya itís the friggin truth. In this industry you are selling mostly to the male counterpart, and they just happen to like girls with ďI have a 1-900 voice that you donít have to pay to hear.Ē

The fact of the matter is, I want to do other things with my life. I have other goals and ideas going on in my head that donít include getting dirty hands sorting out disgustingly dirty components bought in excess. I have plans that donít include endless lists of numbers with letters planted between them. I have wants that donít include that place. On one hand I love this industry and I have been in this industry longer than any other industry Iíve ever worked in, but I am justÖ Well I just never set out for this and Iím halfway in it and all the way out of wanting to know about it at all.

I want to go to work and sit in front of a pc and write, and create, and explore my inner voice and have the luxury of actually making money. In essence I donít mind sales, lemme sell something else though. Perhaps something more lucrative? Well hell, components are about as lucrative as you can get, but Iím not truly helping anyone when and if I sell components. I am simply placing a part in an otherwise empty notch on a board. Yippy skippy. And voila now your calculator fucking works, your hairdryer gets hot. But so what? Iím not feeling it. Iím not making a difference, and its not exactly fun.

I want to work somewhere that when Iím asked for my input like I was today, my allotted time for my input isnít interrupted by a phone call. I know heís a busy guy, but címon, if youíre there only a few hours a day, then be there for those hours. Really BE there. But hell who am I to have an opinion outside of the allotted or asked for time? And why is the allotted and asked for opinion time scheduled during MY unpaid time? And why is it overlookable to have an entire sales force that runs from the premises the minute itís 5:30, while I am just standing up to stretch and close down my pc?? But I donít want to be there??

Please, Iím so confused about how otherís choose to see things. How they see the bits and pieces they chose to see, and overlook the other things.

I know a few things.

1. Catheters are necessary evils, but at least if you sell them, you are helping someone!
2. Florida and itís work ethics are overallÖ.bunk.
3. Iím already elsewhere doing other things, visualizationís are coming every few moments without my seeking them.
4. I knew it was never going to be the same the day Delboy left.
5. I have moved on.
6. I am only here in holographic form.
7. McVities Go Ahead apple and saltana crispy slices are yummy! If you live in England and can ship, please contact me.

And lastly...

8. I am no longer clicking on banners if every fucking one of them is leading me to that rodent diary.

11:50 p.m. ::
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