PoeticaL
cluttering the net since 2001

asphalt hair

Thursday, Jan. 31, 2002
I just spent the last 3 hours laying on my driveway on the phone talking with �him�. There was a helicopter that flew right over my head shining its lights down on me. I felt like I was in the spotlight and the whole world could feel me shine. And even though there�s a pound of asphalt dust in my hair and my back hurts and my eyes are burning from the breeze�I�m so happy right now. I so remember what is so good about him. What feels so right about it all. Why I am so lucky even if I may never get what I so long for. Why I am so lucky to know every emotion as though I�ve wrapped my guts around it and bled until I became one with them.

The way he talks to me when he hears me versus when he just has text is so unbelievable different and I believe its because we as humans seek the warmth of other humans. The most prolific and perfect of words don�t wrap their reality around your heart. They are mere food for thought. But my voice embracing his voice, perfect unison�..is beautiful.

Tonight he told me that he doesn�t have a black book because ��I keep your phone number in my watch so its with me all the time.� lol The humoristic way he talks without knowing it. I keep him in my heart all the time even if we skip a few beats.

Maybe love is like this. Maybe I�ve just never known it. I told him that he�s the most �real� relationship I�ve ever had. And I don�t care if no one else in the world believes in it�I do.

I think I need to stop being so damn selfish and try for once in my life to be selfless. Totally selfless�.. maybe once I do that I�ll find peace�.. Just maybe�. I think when it comes to him I am completely selfish because he can make me feel so complete and I seek that feeling over and over again�.instead of finding it within.

-PoeticaL

There is asphalt around me, there is concrete around me
There is steel and glass, there is one law around
Trust yourself
Trust yourself
Trust yourself
Trust yourself

I can see the end of the blue sky
I can see the earth and the asphalt

And if I am in a state to understand something
Tell me something that you think I should know

-Na�ve
(Post Alcoholic Anxieties)
12:50 a.m. ::
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    moving day - Wednesday, Jan. 10, 2007
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