blue....
Sometimes,
every now and then when I�ve slept too long in the afternoon and stay up late
at night in a new world where so much has improved, so much has changed and so
much of who I am has rearranged, it still comes to me�in full clarity.� A tiny stab of pain�of familiar
heartache.� And like the fool that I am,
I take my fingertips and peel back the pain and explore it and remember
it.� Pulling it from my chest as if my
chest is a hope chest in an attic.� I
fondle the pain and feel it anew.� I
play sad songs and crave cheap wine like the nights of pain that I danced
throughout for so many years.� It�s as
if that pain, is my old friend and every now and then I just can�t help but
re-dance with that ghost.� Just so I can
remember�.maybe.� Just so I never forget?� Probably.�
Maybe because that hope chest is me, it�s me and parts of me hang
dormant in broken windows of my soul and I go back, like a fool, I go back and
dip my toes, then immerse all of me, all of me back in.� The disappointments, the ache, the pain.� Why do I do this to myself?� Why do I want to swim there again?� Is it not want but something that draws me
back so I don�t go there again in future moments?� I can�t quite figure it out.�
I know that I still mourn hard�.I still mourn for my family, my family I
lost then�.and wait�then I lost my family again�.and now�.god is cheating me
from having any family�any�.and I�m angry and sometimes the old pain reminds me
that the new pain�s are so so nothing in comparison�.either that or I�m just
sadomasochistic and that�s just who I am�..either way I always resort to the
same old tunes�.like a drunk whino on the dark streets drinking his favorite
beer�.� I just can�t seem to ever
entirely forget those months of my life, so many months�where I did nothing but
exist, cry, breath, and try try try to hang on.� They�ve impacted me�and that impact is not good.� The pain has left scars, and the scabs are
gone, healed�.and yet I see those scars and I�m reminded�.deeply.
Maybe
it�s that, or I need stronger med�s or I should just avoid Blue Rodeo like the
plaque�that could be it. Yes that truly could be it�.music..it�s so damn
powerful.� It can save you.� It can remind you.� It can bring you to your emotional knees.
�
House
of Dreams � Blue Rodeo
Can't
stand the sight of myself
Lying in bed all day with curtains drawn
Staring at the clock on the window ledge
The angry words you said come back so strong
Sometimes
love quits
When the pieces don't fit
And suddenly all your world falls to the floor
Then all your wild days fall away
You can't see much point in them anymore
In
this house of dreams
I let you walk like a ghost unseen
Girl on the day you left
Out walked my everything
I
must have thought you'd always be there
I never even noticed when the changes came one day
Seems one minute you were standing close
I turned around again
And girl you were far away
And
every plan we made
I just let them fade
And pile up on the floor beside the bed
Now you're gone away
But your memory stays
I sit here thinking of the things I never said
In
this house of dreams
I let you walk like a ghost unseen
Girl on the day you left
Out walked my everything
Sometimes
love quits
When the pieces don't fit
And suddenly all your world falls to the floor
Then all your wild days fall away
You can't see much point in them anymore
In
this house of dreams
I let you walk like a ghost unseen
Girl on the day you left
Out walked my everything
�
Blew it again � Blue Rodeo
�
You
can live in the house and I will find
a little place around the corner
trouble comes from the strangest quarters
it snuck up on us now without a warning
Every
night I hang my head outside into the stars
it's a wonder I can even talk at all
I
walk by kids that hang on corners tripping out
afraid of what they'll miss
late at night I hear other voices crying out
I never wanted this
I
played you all my favourite songs
catch you when you fall
you look at me saying that's not it at all
Oh
my I can't help wondering why I blew it again
I let you down
I watched your tears come splashing all around
all my life I feel like I've been blind
but the moments that shine
are so hard to find
Hey
look those northern lights are dancing
come on out and we'll sit here on the lawn
we won't talk we'll only listen
maybe we can stop what's going on
Every
night we look out on what's left of all our dreams
it's a wonder we still can talk at all
Oh
my I can't help wondering why I blew it again
I let you down
I watched your tears come splashing on the ground
all my life I feel like I've been blind
but the moments that shine
are so hard to find
�
Already Gone � Blue Rodeo
�
Monday
morning waking up
Still too numb to speak
Another night just staring at the wall
Last night's conversation
Knocked me off my feet
I guess today I fall
I
wish that we find the words
To look the other way
Be careful of the things we do
And watch the things we say
Maybe then we'd get somewhere
We've never been before
But what's the use in fighting
When you know you've lost the war
Walked
the streets of New Orleans
Shirt soaked to my skin
Through the mess of yesterday's parade
A thousand times a day
I think of calling you again
But I come to my senses instead
And
every time we walk away
We lose a little time
Pretending to each other
Now that everything is fine
I know whatever lies I use
To get myself to sleep
I�ll wake up to the promises
I know we'll never keep
Say
you don't see
What's wrong
Every night
Lasting oh so long
I know I do
already gone
I
wonder should I get up
I would but what's the point
Oh when something's gone
It's gone for good
Maybe I could look away
Back to where we used to be
One more time
I wish I could
Never
mind the reasons
That tore us all apart
We've both done things
I know we can't defend
What's the use in tracing
It all back to the start
There'll still be something
Missing in the end
I
wish that we could find
The words to look the other way
Be careful of the things we do
And everything we say
Maybe then we'd get somewhere
We've never been before
But what's the use in fighting
When you know you've lost the war
Say
you don't see
What's wrong
Every night
Lasting oh so long
I know I do
You're already gone
I know
You're already gone
�
Falling Down Blue � Blue Rodeo
�
Everyone
tells me I'm lucky
Got my whole life to live yet
I can't say they're wrong
But the days seem so long
Living inside of my head
Maybe
I'll get some relief now
Now that your things are all gone
I won't sit here staring
At nothing all night
Bleary-eyed greeting the dawn
All
right I miss you tonight
And I'm not really sure what to say
It keeps rolling in like a slow moving train
It gets harder and harder each day
Each time I think that the worst of it's through
I am stopped in my tracks by some vision of you
All right I miss you tonight
I admit that I'm falling down blue
She
lived outside of the city
On days when I'd visit her there
I'd watch her out dancing
All lit by the moon
The cold winds of time in her hair
Then
we'd go driving for hours
Turn off the lights and just glide
Moving like spirits
Along through the night
The light through the trees as our guide
�
Now
and Forever � Blue Rodeo
I
don't know if I ever wanted
The things you said we wanted together
Now and forever
Too many nights I'd lie awake
Listening to every breath you'd take
Like a stranger
Feel so out of place there
I
don't wonder what went wrong
But I wish your memory would leave me alone
Now and forever
I
sit alone in this empty house
And your voice just like a ghost
It comes to me
Chill passes through me
I packed your clothes and photographs
Sent your little treasures back to where you're living
Guess now all's forgiven
I
can't believe it's true
I thought I'd always be in love with you
Now and forever
My
life goes on just like before
In and out of closing doors
I don't love it
But I learn to rise above it
I found a girl now who will love me the way I want her to
She don't shout it
We don't even talk about it
I
can't believe it's true
I thought I'd always be in love with you
Now and forever
�
Bad
Timing � Blue Rodeo
Hey
it's me what a big surprise
Calling you up from a restaurant
Around the bend
I just got in from way up North
I'm aching tired now
And I could use a friend
I might be a fool
To think that you do
Want to see me again
It's
been awhile since I talked to you
Nothing wrong
Just nothing ever goes as planned
Many times I thought I'd call
I didn't have your number in my hand
I know it's true
You'd never do
The same thing to me
I never meant to make you cry
And though I know I shouldn't call
It just reminds us of the cost
Of everything we've lost
Bad timing that's all
Maybe
soon there'll come a day
When no more tears will fall
If we each forgive a little bit
And we both look back on it
As just bad timing that's all
We
used to have so many plans
Something always seemed to turn out wrong
I never could catch up to you
Moving on and doing what you've done
I don't know why
The harder I try
The harder it comes
I
never meant to make you cry
And though I know I shouldn't call
It just reminds us of the cost
Of everything we've lost
Bad timing that's all
Maybe
soon there'll come a day
When no more tears will fall
If we each forgive a little bit
When we both look back on it
Just bad timing that's all
�
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